Q: "If you're so smart, why aren't you married?" A: "I'm saving myself for Daniel Tosh"

Just so we're clear, I am NO authority on relationships, but I have been through a few. I seem to have several friends struggling with theirs, wanting one, wanting out of one, wanting to take one to another level, etc. I don't know much... but here are some things I think:

1. You should love yourself before you expect someone else to love you. If you don't know what you want, don't want, like, don't like or feel strongly about, someone will probably try to tell you and your confused ass may actually start to believe them. Get some faith in yourself before you put your faith in someone else.

2. Dating your best friend is an awesome idea... until you lose sexual attraction. You gotta keep a tiny bit of mystery there. Don't ask them to wax your bikini line or let them anywhere near the bathroom when you're pooing. It's just science. Other than that, if you love that person, but don't like them? You're in trouble. Friends first is the only way to go. Run around with each other, drink together, play some sports, not every day has to be a game of "do we have the perfect relationship?". If you're friends first, chances are you do and you won't feel like asking yourself that.

3. When someone likes you, you will know it. You won't be wondering. They will show you in whatever way they choose, but they WILL show you. If you're asking yourself "do they actually like me, or what?" just keep going on about your business until they sack up. Nut up or shut up, bro.

4. NOBODY is perfect. Even you. People will disappoint you, let you down, make mistakes and so will you. Don't analyze it to death, don't punish that person to misery, just ask yourself very first thing "is this something I can get over and still be happy and have trust?" and if it is, do that as soon as possible. If it's not, save everyone a lot of time and bullshit and bounce, dude.

5. Your relationship involves you and one other person. It needs to work for both of you and nobody else. If it works for you, and you're happy, tell haters to go fuck themselves. Add a "literally" to confuse them if you like.

6. Don't ask your significant other questions you don't actually want the true answer to. Example: Me- "That girl is looking at you funny, have you slept with her before?" Sig O- "Well... yes once, but it was a long time ago." Me- *brain explodes*. Some things, you would just rather not know. If it ain't broke, don't try to break it.

7. When you like someone, tell them. Games are for assholes and p-words.

8. Everyone has a past. Leave yours AND theirs there where it belongs. Don't have to be asked "Why you gotta bring up old shit?".

9. I think all fights can be solved in the bedroom. Use this advice however you see fit, but have some peroxide, a sandwich and band aids handy.

10. Love like crazy. When you want someone, get them. Don't sit around worrying about dumb shit like "should I call? Should I text? Will he think I'm a freak?" WHO CARES? If someone really likes you, you'll have to do more to scare them away than texting or calling them too much. And if you do scare them away? They weren't your style. We're all freaks, we all have insecurities, but communicating with the person you have feelings for should NOT be something to worry about.

Now that I've cleared that up, I would just like to point out that I am in my 30's, unmarried, no kids and live with a roommate that just put his empty 40s from a rousing game of "Edward 40 hands" on our mantle with garden gloves still duct taped to them. .... And this has honestly been one of the happiest years of my life!!!

If I had the capability right now, I would totally attach the music video for "Everyday" by Dave Matthews to get you going in the right direction, but the company I work for blocked every cool site there is besides this one and Yahoo Sports. Assholes.