Day of Rest.

Things heard over a calm, Sunday afternoon.

Smash: Just because you smoke a lot of pot doesn't mean you're a hippie. If you're dirty and have pit hair, then you're a hippie.

Smash: Taint? Did you actually just say taint?

Jam Band: Have you never heard a girl say taint before?

Loin Cloth: Is my bathing suit to skimpy?... like for kids?

Me: It's a loin cloth. But it covers what any normal swimsuit would cover. I can't wear a swimsuit because my vagina is still too red.

Newsie: Waiting for it to heal a little first?

Me: Yeah, but not for a good reason. I Naired the shit out of it.

Newsie: Be careful with that stuff.

Loin Cloth: I never get laid anymore so I don't care what my vagina looks like.

Loin Cloth: What did you do last night?

Smash: Blacked out. (looks up at Travis) What happened to me last night?

Travis:...you were with us for a while... then you weren't.

Me: I wanted to wear this dress to work tomorrow.

Jam Band: Well, you shouldn't now that it reeks of Bud Light Lime. Not to mention, you've been hot and sweaty for a while now.

Me: It's work. The beer is the real problem. I can cover the sweat smell.

Me: What song is this? It's kind of good.

Loin Cloth: I LOVE DANCE BEATS!! I'll make you a mix CD!

Me:......ok. Do that please. I like good beats too.

Jam Band: Everyone loves touching me.

Morning Regrets

When I woke up this morning, shit you not, my second set of thoughts (my first was about a boy and food) went something like....

(insert actual frown here) "Aww... there are so many people I wish I would have texted in my terribly drunken state last night and didn't."

For real. This is my life. And I like it.

Is It Made From 95% Elastic?

I have to go try on a bridesmaid dress tomorrow that I'm expected to wear in October. This should be fun.

What I ate (and I think I drank) this weekend.

Friday:

1. Cup of Peaches & Cream oatmeal

2. Roughly 4-6 cups of coffee

3. Some random Sun Chips and a hand full of almonds

4. Pasta with cherry tomatoes

5. Small bag of sweet chili bbq Cheetos

6. 2 strawberry shortcake cookies.

7. Bowling Alley bacon cheeseburger

8. 1 slice of cheese pizza at same bowling alley

9. Infinity Coors Lights bottles

10. Several shots (white gummi bear?)

11. Several random sips of the drinks of strangers

Saturday:

1. Cup of water

2. 5 mini quiche

3. 2 Advil

(All of this came back up)

4. 2 cans of Coke

5. Market Fresh turkey sammie from Arby's

6. Sour cream and chive potato from Wendy's

7. Strawberry milkshake

8. 1 hand full semi sweet chocolate chips

Sunday:

1. Can of Coke

2. Chipotle burrito bowl

3. Can of Coke

4. Another can of Coke

5. Chips from burrito bowl

6. The 2nd baked potato from Wendy's I forgot I bought

7. Yet another.... can of Coke

She has sizes 0, 2 and 4. Guess we'll see what fits!! Wheeeeeee!

All I Needed Was Pour Some Sugar On Me.

So... all of a sudden I get hangovers that are somewhat violent.

I have heard lies and fables that as you get older, hangovers become more frequent and more severe. I am am in a raging state of denial about that.

The first one happened a few months ago when Blondie was in town. We rocked it pretty hard, yes, but I didn't think I had any more than my usual Saturday night intake of booze. Sure, there were shots. Sure there was red bull and vodka. Yeah, we split a cab with some rando substitute teacher, but that's because we thought he might pay for it. Did he? I have no idea. Not worried about it. All I know is that I got up the next day and barfed. First time that has ever happened. Normally, if I make it to sleep, I've made it! Still, later that day after a nap, I was just fine. It didn't take long and it didn't stop me from a burrito bowl.

This latest, yesterday, wow..... it was a real doozie. I got up and moved around, just like the Roomie always tells me to do. Then I had some water. Then I barfed that water up. Yep. Not pleasant. I thought I was done and moving on with my life so he made me some mini quiche. I wasn't done. And the quiche did NOT taste as good coming out. I decided I was pretty much done with food, so I just kept up with some water. When that too decided to make a reappearance, I was done all together except for some Advil. And an hour later, I barfed up the red dye from it. Fuck THAT, dudes. I had the brief feeling that I either got a migraine or contracted the flu from Ritchie T through my computer, but then I saw a facebook post that brought the events of the night back to me. Oh... there was bowling and pitchers. Then shots. Then more beers. Then more shots. I was on my Roomie's shoulders... then I was dancing along a bar... picking up random drinks and swigging them. Yep. That could have done it. The last thing I remembered was deciding nobody needed to take care of me, I was walking home. Not so much. Thank Goodness the roomie was on top of things and handled me.

Needless to say, it was not fun. But as long as I feel like I'm still able enough to pretend I'm an extra in Coyote Ugly, I better decide I'm able enough to barf the fruits of that labor up, eh?

CRIPES!

Look, I'm blogging to let you know I'm going to blog. Okay? I will blog some drunken drivel and talk about babies and shit very soon. I can't just throw any old shit up here, bros.

Plus, read below, I have a new job! Damn it!

I'm going to blog! And it will be great! Now get of my backs, you fucking fucks!!

FUCK!!!

Happy?