Thai Food Is Just Gross

I'm back in LA. I'm working on some long project with part of the Twilight cast. Robert Pattinson randomly walks up to me on this particular day because he felt like he could confide in me about his recent break up. I'm trying to avoid discussing it, so I start blathering on about needing to find an apartment and the area I'm looking in, price range, what I want yadda yadda, when my little sister Katie shows up across the soccer field we're shooting on. I completely stop what I'm doing. We run toward each other and meet in a giant hug. I ask her what she's doing there, and between her usual giddy, easily-excited laughter, she explains that her parents sent her out to see me for the week because the other two sisters are too busy to watch her. I don't even care about all the things wrong with this statement, I'm just ecstatic she's there in front of me.

At the same time, Rob walks up and asks me to lunch. Katie looks at him like she's a little annoyed that he interrupted our reunion. I explain to him that she just arrived and he starts to act all nervous Edward Cullenish and says she should come too. He glances at her and smiles like she should be uber grateful and then checks his Blackberry. I look down at her and she shrugs and says that's fine, she's hungry and grabs my hand.

We all walk to the parking lot as Rob continues to check his Blackberry the whole time. While never looking up, he says he's going to take us to a great place he knows where we won't be bothered with fans and stuff. Plus it goes by a few apartments he wants to suggest to me. I'm barely listening to him because I'm asking Katie how her flight was and if she was incredibly nervous on a plane alone since she's only 11 years old.

We get to the "great" lunch destination and it's in Koreatown. Robert jumps out of the car, never glancing up from that damn Blackberry, and walks away. I get Katie out, take her hand and ask her if she saw where he went and she leads me after him. All I can think about is getting to a table and ordering so I can talk to her. We walk into this "great" restaurant that appears to serve some sort of... Thai food. Rob has ordered for all of us and is sitting at a table. I just stare down at the food and then at him. He briefly looks up from his Blackberry and I ask him "Really? She's 11. She won't eat this". He looks all apologetic, but Katie explains that it's fine, she'll eat whatever. He launches a gorgeous smile at her and I look down to see if she's totally swooning and she's just beaming up at me as if he doesn't exist and she can not wait for me to sit down so she can crawl all over me like she usually does.

I take a seat and we just giggle and hug each other and she clings to me like she hasn't seen me in a hundred years. I'm counting every new little freckle on her nose and twirling her perfectly blond hair and looking into her backlit blue eyes. Rob starts to ask her about school and regular little girl stuff, but she can't even look over at him. She's completely mesmerized by me. I try to take my eyes off of her long enough to apologize to him for the lack of conversation, but I just can't. We keep on hugging and giggling and gazing at each other. Katie keeps her arms around my neck, but I finally tear my eyes away from hers long enough to acknowledge Rob and he's smiling and says "you look so happy". I say "I haven't seen her since July. I am beyond happy". I look back to Katie and I cover her face in kisses while she laughs. And then I wake up.

I lied there, dissecting the dream. I related the meaning of every part of it to my current life. And then I smiled, reached for my phone, texted Katie that I miss her and love her, and went back to sleep to try to see her, not Robert Pattinson, back in dreamland.

And You Know What Else?

I got completely shitbuckled last night, drove my friend home, then drove myself home, using only one eye. Then I placed a bunch of calls I barely remember, sent a bunch of texts I definitely don't remember (2 of which were to parents of my close friends), didn't drink any water, went into work today, drank a Coke and a gallon of water, failed at it hard, left at 11am, ate chili cheese fries, slept on and off all day. And when I wasn't sleeping, I watched some porn, paid my car payment, emailed with a prospective employer in Minneapolis confirming a meeting, and watched Top Gun.

BECAUSE I'M AWESOME AT LIFE!!!

Leonardo DeCrapio

Leonardo DiCaprio is fucking stupid.

And I'm really sick of people acting like he's a good actor. He's ok, he's not total horseshit, but he's no Philip Seymour Hoffman. He look and acts just like Leonardo DiCaprio in every single movie. I knew that wasn't Howard Hughes! I knew that wasn't really a rough Boston criminal/undercover cop! I knew he couldn't really solve crime and shit through dreams!

The only role Leonardo DiCaprio has been decent in is the one in What's Eating Gilbert Grape. He acted the shit out of that role. Other than that, he's boring as hell.

Not to mention he's a total modelizer. Lame.

There Has Never Been A Winter Not Followed By Spring

It's a funny thing.

There are those little moments in life. When you fool yourself. When, even as self-aware as you may be, you don't even realize something is happening until someone points it out to you. Even if that moment is fleeting, hang onto it. Because hope, in any situation, is the gift that truly keeps on giving. As fucking cheeseballesque as that sounds.

You find yourself lost in thoughts of "Man, that actually could happen". You hear a cute love song in a commercial and google the shit out of it. You clean up your house. You do a few sit ups and push ups. You notice things about your face. Like your brows are smoothed out and relaxed, that you don't have to use as much blush because color is coming back. You stand up a little straighter, you smile for no reason, you laugh a little easier....

Hang on to the feeling of those moments. I read in a scientific study that even the anticipation of laughter will relieve stress and sadness. So maybe the anticipation of.... anticipation can do the same? I don't know. I'm not a frickin scientist. I'm just a girl witnessing a little pink back in her chubby cheeks.

Gave Me A Genuine Smile

The new day dawns
And I am practicing my purpose once again
It is fresh and it is fruitful if I win
but if I lose, ooh, I don't know
I'll be tired but I will turn and I will go
Only guessing 'til I get there then I'll know
Ohh, I will know

And all the children walking home past the factories
Can see the light that's shining in my window
As I write this song to you
And all the cars running fast along the interstate
Can feel the love that radiates
Illuminating what I know is true

And all will be well
Even after all the promises you've broken to yourself
All will be well
You can ask me how but only time will tell

The winter's cold
But the snow still lightly settles on the trees
And a mess is still a moment I can seize until I know
That all will be well
Even though sometimes this is hard to tell
And the fight is just as frustrating as hell
All will be well

And all the children walking home past the factories
Can see the light that's shining in my window
As I write this song to you
And all the cars running fast along the interstate
Can feel the love that radiates
Illuminating what I know is true

And all will be well
Even after all the promises you've broken to yourself
All will be well
You can ask me how but only time will tell

You got to keep it up
And don't give up
And chase your dreams
And you will find
All in time

And all the children walking home past the factories
Can see the light that's shining in my window
As I write this song to you
And all the cars running fast along the interstate
Can feel the love that radiates
Illuminating what I know is true

And all will be well
Even after all the promises you've broken to yourself
All will be well
You can ask me how but only time will tell

All will be well
Even after all the promises you've broken to yourself
All will be well
You can ask me how but only time will tell
You can ask me how but only time will tell

Some Say The World Will End in Fire

Iiiiiiit's November! Time to nerd the fuck OUT on Twilight again. Breaking Dawn will be happening in 17 days from today at midnight. I will be purchasing my ticket tomorrow and from now until then, every minute that I'm not drunk, will be spent in anxiety about what to do after work that day, when do I get in line, do I let anyone go with me?

All that delicious anxiety is spiked with sadness..... the beginning of the end. Even the trailers say it that way.

That Mormon really needs to jump the writers block. asap. If the Hunger Games trilogy hadn't ended so anticlimactically, she would have lost me already.