This Blog Is Sort Of.... The Lube 419.

You might guess that I didn't just rub Vaseline all over my body post-shower like it was regular old lotion.... but you'd be wrong. And wouldn't YOU feel silly.

In other, more relevant news: THE LOOP 419 IS NOW IN PRINT!! (Also, http://theloop419.com/) I'm a semi-legit writer now. It used to be I'd write to get where I was going... I never thought it would take me anywhere.

(If you don't know what movie that slightly altered quote is from, you should probably stop life and don't come back to this blog until you figure it out)

Can You Believe Heidi And Seal Are Splitsville? Me Either!

Right before I go on a date, especially one with a stranger, I like to Pin my ass off on Pinterest and look at a gossip site.

Several reasons:

1. I can say "Oh, I cook this all the time" when we order something because I know I just pinned a recipe similar to it. Lying is key. Especially to strangers.

2. I see 34,781 wedding photos. This gets my head right. Be the ball, Danny.

3. I have already lied out about 6 different hideous outfits. I can pin a few that I like and turn around and pick something similar out of my closet that doesn't scream "I'M NERVOUS! AND CAN'T DECIDE WHICH PERSONALITY TO CONVEY TO YOU! ALSO, I HAVE LOTS OF T-SHIRTS."

4. Maybe he knows about and wants to discuss Miley's haircut.

5. He definitely knows about and maybe wants to discuss Kate Middleton's nudie shots.

6. Pinning, for me, is the equivalent of talking out loud. If I went ape shit on Autumn recipes and emo quotes, maybe I won't spin out of control, seemingly trying to reach some daily word quota with this dude.

7. He looks a little like James Van Der Beek. I have to see pics of JVDB to judge if he looks enough like him that I'm willing to let a racist comment or 2 slide.

8. I feel slightly cultured when I look at thumbnails of Greece and the Maldives. Enough to say "I'd like to visit Greece. And the Maldives"

9. If he's boring as shit, I can silently get myself excited to come home and learn more about that yummy looking breakfast casserole.

10. Pinning is less sweaty than jacking off. For the most part.

Small Half Yelp Sort of Moan or Gasp Noise. Also Referred To As "Steve Noise"

I will blog (probably, if I don't get too lazy or "busy") more about camping later, but for now I just wanted to throw out into the world that I was cleaning up the camp site, while the boys slept and the fried mushroom lover was using the bathroom, and I turned around to a snake crawling straight on through the very place where we had all been partying just a few precious hours earlier.

I didn't scream. I didn't faint. I didn't run. Huge strides have clearly been made in the war against being a huge pussy.

Go me!