Not that there's anything WRONG with that....

A few months ago, I was bitching about how I don't have enough gay male friends. I have the lesbian count in check, but I am seriously lacking some fabulosity. I... may not need to ask for that anymore. My guys are suddenly pushing the boundaries of their inner gayness. And I LIKE it. Makes ME feel like a real man. Walk with me through this hall of shame.

• My roommate made curry to take to a work pot luck. Curry? Really? I came home and the guy had a glass of red wine poured and was finely chopping onions for his special dish. I had just eaten beer cheese soup and pretzels for dinner at the bar. Mind you, this is a man who wears "Mitch-a-Palooza" t-shirts on the reg.


• One of them asked me if I was "mad at at him or something" during a pre-show for a football game. Mad at you? Why would I be mad at you? Is this Maury? We're about to watch sports. You better get some medicine for that gnarly case of the feelings you caught.


• One of them left his wife at her guy friends house watching football while he went home... to watch tennis. Tennis!


• I got in my roommate's huge truck the other day just as he was selecting "Teenage Dream" on his iPod. Now, I love this song, but does he? Are my morning listening selections turning him? Was he just being nice? It's up in the air, but all I'm saying is... he knew all the words.


• One of them professed his love for Taylor Swift DURING THE NFL SEASON OPENER PRE SHOW. Not the way she looks, but her music. He loves Taylor Swift. Loves her. That's fine, she's ok, but do you have to confess the Swifty love before Brett Favre brings his 5 o'clock shadow of power to the field?


• Here is the clincher. It was an actual group effort in weakness. We had decided on a movie night earlier in the day. This was before I realized the Boise State/Virginia Tech game was on. Hugely hyped college game. Do I hate huge hype? Sure, but it's college football, who cares? The guys came over and we were watching the beginning. Boise State got right down to business and scored twice jacking the lead up to 17-0 or something like that. Still, it's a great game, lots of quick back and forth. I figure we're going to scrap movie night and keep watching, but nooooo. I was wrong. Movie is still a go. What do they put in? Robin Hood. Yes, you read that right. They chose to watch Robin Hood with Russel Crowe over an all American battle on a football field. An Australian...playing an Englishman... over Boise State?! These are actual men. Men with huge TV's, gaming systems, facial hair, smelly pits who puke and rally and have their own fantasy football teams. What was going through their heads? I had the game up on my laptop on mute for a while, but then just got over it, declared "I saw this movie the first time when it was called Gladiator and it didn't make me want to poke my own eye out. Later, girls.", and went to my room to watch matte black helmets and tight blue pants do some cool shit.

The worst part? A boy that is new to our group came over last night to watch NFL opener. I was making fun of the pansies, told him the story and he AGREED with them. "Why watch if you don't care about either of those teams?" Um, I don't know, you don't like penis (or do you?) but you don't watch only lesbian porn. You don't want to die in a car crash, but you'll sure as shit slow down to view one on the 475. Do I really have to go over this?

In other related news:

• One of my girlfriends wrote me an email this morning that read "Tell your old man, AKA Favre, to get off the field and stop throwing interceptions... though he is helping me dominate my fantasy league."


• Ducky's Mom yelled at me last night for calling her during the last 2 minutes of the Vikings losing and when she called me back the first thing she said was "uuuuugh I ate too many wings".


• The only reason I even know I still have a vagina is because I put dangly earrings in to offset the butchiness of the men's USA Soccer t-shirt I wore to work today.

What is going on here? I mean, one time Adam H. Newman bawled his little eyes out while watching the Dawson's Creek series finale, but as soon as it was over, he shoved my face and went right back to playing Halo. Nerdy, yes, but still kinda manly.

Whatever. I'm not hating on the boys. I really won't start worrying until they start borrowing my clothes. Wait... one of them DID tell me he was wearing my bedazzled jelly flip flops to the bar and actually put them on. Hmm.... drunk? Or gay? You guys be the judge.

In other semi-related news:

• I fucking hate curry. It smells weird.