I was just informed of something that has shaken me to my very core.... Humans Vs. Zombies. "A game of moderated tag commonly played on college campuses" Are you SHITTING ME? Zombies are considered a game now? Is this a joke to you people? The undead are NOT something to regard lightly. See the game here http://humansvszombies.org/.
Only someone as careless as a college freshman WOULD think it's funny to be knocked to the ground and have their brains gnawed on by a professor they once respected who is now nothing but a gaunt, flesh-eating monster with torn clothing. (preferably off at the knees because zombies need pirate pants?) I, on the other hand, a grown woman with a little more than half of a complete college education, yet a boat load of real word experience, think zombies are scary as fuuuuuck.
Zombies were scary enough back in the days of Night of the Living Dead and Thriller, but with the times have come advances in their abilities. How this zombie evolution happened? Not a clue. I'm just saying, the ones from 28 Days Later are not lurching, mindless creatures. They now have the wheels of a college running back and the tenacity of Charlie Sheen looking for hookers. The ones from I Am Legend? Give me a fucking break! They rememberrrr (voice of dude from Jurassic Park speaking of the Raptors - another blog, another time). They were not only smart, they had a leader with a grudge. They could train zombie dogs! They set a damn trap! Hell, they probably had a Union and held meetings in the abandoned subway!
Can you even imagine it? I think I would rather have a mildly successful Russian take over a la Red Dawn than brain-craving undead dudes running the streets. How do you know how to stop them? If you "kill" them, how do you know they don't reassemble themselves? That's a trial and error situation I want NO part of. My fear (that some would say is wildly irrational and just plain stupid) that zombies are real and could invade at any given moment, was only made worse by this article http://www.theonion.com/articles/study-reveals-pittsburgh-unprepared-for-fullscale,1815/. Is this hilarious? Without a doubt, but it's also informative and most of all.... a wake up call.
After this article was released, there was a facebook thread started in response. The article was copied, and below it you were asked to choose your 1. Partner in Crime 2. Weapon of choice and 3. Song of destruction should a full scale zombie outbreak ever occur. My brilliant and probably life saving answers:
1. A male F-16 Viper pilot with a 2 seater at his disposal. Not only do you have a combat trained companion, you have an airborne vehicle with weapons! You also have a way to repopulate the Earth if this shit gets to stage 4 (see help link at bottom of blog). In any case, with the military is going to be your best location because lets face it - they are always the last to die in these movies. Plus, pilots are good at one thing that I know of... kickin' the tires and lightin' the fires. Blowing shit UP.
2. Easy. Self-recharging laser gun. If you think any other weapon would be better, you're just fooling yourself. Ammo doesn't last forever. Lasers are forever. And just awesome even when not slicin' and dicin' the living dead.
3. This is a VERY hard choice. I would normally pick something like "Not In My House" by Rooney, but this isn't an indoor soccer game. This is all out survival. The fact that I would probably just shrivel into a puddle if I ever saw a zombie makes me feel like I need to go outside my rock comfort zone here and pick something that would pump me up for just this occasion. The obvious choice is "Bodies" by Drowning Pool. It would help me channel my inner Milla Jovovich and I think the repetitive lyrics would really keep me on task.
Now, I have to just consider as soon as the outbreak happens that my loved ones are now just drooling, brain hungry corpses. I really feel like this is an every still-able-minded-person for themselves event. My worry is that my 2 pilot choices will either be occupied on orders or try to save THEIR loved ones. It's bullshit, because I have made both of them promise to get me first, but lets face it... one lives in Minneapolis and has a fiance with a big head that is topped with a mop of shiny blond curls that pretty much scream "Great brain under here! Look!!!" so he's got his hands full. The other is stationed in Italy. My only hope is that the infestation hasn't reached there yet so he has nothing better to do. Plus, if I tell him all the Chipotle in the world is now at risk, I'm sure he would take immediate action. Especially if I had the last edible burrito in my Jansport.
Look, people... Zombies are a terrifying possibility. I suggest you devise a plan NOW as we are 2 days from Halloween. This website should really be informative and preparedness is our best hope: http://www.zombiesurvivalwiki.com/.
The only thing I can imagine worse than being the dumb fuck that's one of the first to go is being the LAST to go... *shudders*. Good thing I found that discount laser gun on ebay.
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Monday, October 25, 2010
The Longest Blog... for the Longest 24 Hours. Ever.
I went to Columbus Ohio for the first time this weekend. My friend Sasha (code name) moved there recently. Travis and Flick and I decided to road trip it to visit. This is AFTER Travis broke his collarbone during a friendly touch football game Saturday morning. That right there should have given me an indication about how the rest of the weekend would turn out.
Here is a rough timeline. And I stress rough.
10:45 am: Flick tries to tell me through the bathroom door that Travis has a snapped collarbone, he's taking him to the ER, we are still going to Columbus. I think they are joking. They are not.
Noon: I walk in to American Eagle, hand a manager my application, she says she has seen me shop there a hundred times, I am hired. I think I am awesome, call Duck's Mom to tell her, proceed to bounce back to my house to bask in my glory.
2:30-3pm: We are on our way to Columbus. GPS thinks a funny joke would be to take us on a random back road for about 5 miles. Travis is on pain meds, in a Wendy's coma, snoring. Flick has the music too loud.
4:00pm: We are in Columbus, I am saying I'm full, I am eating mass amounts of carmel corn and drinking an Oktoberfest. Sasha's hair looks great.
7:30pm: We have changed houses, I take a phone call, Flick smokes a cigarette, Travis sits on a bench in the yard staring. I make a very stiff red bull and vodka and we begin to take pictures. Sasha appears to be grabbing her crotch in all of them.
8:30pm: Everyone but me is hungry. We stop at 5 guys. I eat 4 peanuts and talk about how I'm not nearly drunk enough. I also say that I predict I will be passed out sleeping by 11pm. They assure me they won't let that happen. I secretly devise a plan to sleep in the car while they party. There is a really red-faced guy sitting next to us.
9:00pm: We are at a bar with Tuna in the name. We are drinking out of a plastic fish bowl with a toy shark in it. My Red Bull kicks in, I drink so fast I get brain freeze and loudly declare "I'M BACK!" for no reason at all. Travis keeps the toy shark from our strawberry death mix and puts it in his sling, we head to the next bar. The escalator we ride jars to a stop mid-trip. This has never happened to me before and I think it was another sign I chose to ignore regarding the night. Moving on.
9:03pm: I come about 2 feet from just walking directly out in front of a car. Due to Travis' busted wing, he is not fast enough to stop me when reaching. Thankfully, he yelled and I could still hear and process at this point. Close one. A dueling mash up of Alicia Keys "Try Sleeping with a Broken Heart" and Metallica "Sad But True" starts to play on loop in my head. This propels me forward in partying.
9:30pm: We are at a bar called Brothers, around a fire pit. Sasha and I have accidentally switched beers. Tucker Mis has just arrived. And she's ready to fuck shit up. I am texting 2 of our friends trying to get everyone to the same location. We meet someone named Jeff and his friends. I don't talk to them much. I'm drunk.
10:30pm: We walk down to another bar to try to find my friend The Dr. We see him on the way, I shriek and almost tackle him down some stairs in front of his friends. We go into a bar, I dance for a minute to a band playing Maroon 5. The Dr. Ices me. It doesn't go down easily.
11:00pm: We are in a piano bar. It is packed. I start chatting with a gay guy who's black. I call him racist for some reason. I am handed a shot, I take it, look over at The Dr. and scream "Oh no! I know what that was!" It was Liquid Cocaine. I am laughed at. I ask for water, "Pour Some Sugar On Me" comes on. I lose my mind dancing and whipping my head around. I think there is a video camera on. I tell Travis he is my best friend ever. I drink zero water.
Lights out. Everything after this should just be typed with a question mark.
12:00am: We are in another bar. It is a very very very dark dance club. The only thing I remember about it is dancing. Forever. I don't see any of my friends. Finally, Sasha and Flick come into view. I decide I'm safe and keep dancing. The Dr. disappears for the rest of the night. I finally look at my phone and there are a billion missed calls and texts from our other friend OTB. I can't read. I mentally CAN NOT figure out how to read them. I go to the patio. I call his phone. I ask where he is even though I have no idea where I am. I walk out the door directly into him on the street.
Lights out. For good.
9:00amish: I wake up. I am staring at a sword hanging on a wall. I am in a cool condo. I don't know where or why. I look around and see OTB. I realize I am safe. I look down, I am not naked. He asks if I want coffee. I ask for SportsCenter instead. I am definitely still drunk. I text to make sure the group knows I'm alive. They do and tell me to go back to sleep. I watch TV and chat it up with OTB.
10:30-11am: OTB has to go pick up someone that was towed the night before. We walk down the street to a nice coffee shop/brunch place. I am clearly looking 'last nightish'. We say our good byes and I tell Sasha and the boys where to find me. I get a coffee and sit on a bench in the sun to wait for them. I call Adam and inform him of the events I remember so far. He is amused.
11:30am: We decide to eat there. I am confused and disoriented so I order the breakfast buffet AND french toast AND a veggie omelet. I hold a plate while Travis piles is food on to it. Flick informs me they have lost my camera. I give Travis a Percocet for his shoulder and decide .... "hey, I'll have one too". My hangover leaps forward with the locomotive of a prescription pill behind it. I am no longer able to eat. I begin to lose motor skills. I brace for the worst.
Noon: We are walking down the street. I decide I'm going to faint so I sit down on a little brick wall behind people taking wedding pictures. Ultimate photo bomb. Sasha tells me I can make it to the car. She holds my arm to lead me there. We start driving. I inform Flick that I'm going to barf. He refuses to pull over saying "You BETTER not puke in my car" I grab a plastic bag on the seat. I realize it is filled with cash, Travis' wallet and his video camera. I dump them out and assume the posish. Travis calmly says "you'll be fine, just take some deep breaths". I do this. I make it back to Sasha's. I refuse to leave the car because I'm scared to move. She brings me a pillow and extra plastic bags for the ride home.
1:00pm: We are on our way. I alternate between lying back and leaning forward depending on how close to barfing I am. The boys smoke cigs and make fun of me. We listen to old school hip hop. I have a backwards jacket on and I'm covered up with another. I see the video camera and watch one of the recordings. It is me getting Iced another time in a very dark bar with only the flashes of cameras lighting my face. I have absolutely no memory of this.
2:30-3:30pm: We arrive home. Flick carries my bag in as I am incapable of most things at this point. I change into sweats and a hoodie and gather anything I may need to reach to move to couch island. Travis uses his one arm to dismantle his basement recliner and carry it upstairs to sleep in. I offer to help, he declines, I ask him for a glass of ice water. Braveheart comes on. We settle in for that.
It really is true... Every man dies, but not every man really lives.
Here is a rough timeline. And I stress rough.
10:45 am: Flick tries to tell me through the bathroom door that Travis has a snapped collarbone, he's taking him to the ER, we are still going to Columbus. I think they are joking. They are not.
Noon: I walk in to American Eagle, hand a manager my application, she says she has seen me shop there a hundred times, I am hired. I think I am awesome, call Duck's Mom to tell her, proceed to bounce back to my house to bask in my glory.
2:30-3pm: We are on our way to Columbus. GPS thinks a funny joke would be to take us on a random back road for about 5 miles. Travis is on pain meds, in a Wendy's coma, snoring. Flick has the music too loud.
4:00pm: We are in Columbus, I am saying I'm full, I am eating mass amounts of carmel corn and drinking an Oktoberfest. Sasha's hair looks great.
7:30pm: We have changed houses, I take a phone call, Flick smokes a cigarette, Travis sits on a bench in the yard staring. I make a very stiff red bull and vodka and we begin to take pictures. Sasha appears to be grabbing her crotch in all of them.
8:30pm: Everyone but me is hungry. We stop at 5 guys. I eat 4 peanuts and talk about how I'm not nearly drunk enough. I also say that I predict I will be passed out sleeping by 11pm. They assure me they won't let that happen. I secretly devise a plan to sleep in the car while they party. There is a really red-faced guy sitting next to us.
9:00pm: We are at a bar with Tuna in the name. We are drinking out of a plastic fish bowl with a toy shark in it. My Red Bull kicks in, I drink so fast I get brain freeze and loudly declare "I'M BACK!" for no reason at all. Travis keeps the toy shark from our strawberry death mix and puts it in his sling, we head to the next bar. The escalator we ride jars to a stop mid-trip. This has never happened to me before and I think it was another sign I chose to ignore regarding the night. Moving on.
9:03pm: I come about 2 feet from just walking directly out in front of a car. Due to Travis' busted wing, he is not fast enough to stop me when reaching. Thankfully, he yelled and I could still hear and process at this point. Close one. A dueling mash up of Alicia Keys "Try Sleeping with a Broken Heart" and Metallica "Sad But True" starts to play on loop in my head. This propels me forward in partying.
9:30pm: We are at a bar called Brothers, around a fire pit. Sasha and I have accidentally switched beers. Tucker Mis has just arrived. And she's ready to fuck shit up. I am texting 2 of our friends trying to get everyone to the same location. We meet someone named Jeff and his friends. I don't talk to them much. I'm drunk.
10:30pm: We walk down to another bar to try to find my friend The Dr. We see him on the way, I shriek and almost tackle him down some stairs in front of his friends. We go into a bar, I dance for a minute to a band playing Maroon 5. The Dr. Ices me. It doesn't go down easily.
11:00pm: We are in a piano bar. It is packed. I start chatting with a gay guy who's black. I call him racist for some reason. I am handed a shot, I take it, look over at The Dr. and scream "Oh no! I know what that was!" It was Liquid Cocaine. I am laughed at. I ask for water, "Pour Some Sugar On Me" comes on. I lose my mind dancing and whipping my head around. I think there is a video camera on. I tell Travis he is my best friend ever. I drink zero water.
Lights out. Everything after this should just be typed with a question mark.
12:00am: We are in another bar. It is a very very very dark dance club. The only thing I remember about it is dancing. Forever. I don't see any of my friends. Finally, Sasha and Flick come into view. I decide I'm safe and keep dancing. The Dr. disappears for the rest of the night. I finally look at my phone and there are a billion missed calls and texts from our other friend OTB. I can't read. I mentally CAN NOT figure out how to read them. I go to the patio. I call his phone. I ask where he is even though I have no idea where I am. I walk out the door directly into him on the street.
Lights out.
12:30-1:30am: I have no idea how or why, but we are back at Brothers. I am handed another shot. I do it. I get a beer. The lights turn on and I scream "Noooooo!!!" (so much for that 11pm pass out time) "I Want It That Way" comes on. I decide I am a Backstreet Boy. Travis films this. From multiple angles. There is another dude added to our group. I don't know him and never introduce myself.
2:00am: We are being herded out of the bar. There are cops galore. There is a conversation that I don't remember. I am separated from the group and leave with OTB because I think I wanted to "party more!". I ask 500 times if I'm going to get raped in an alley because we are walking in one. I remember seeing lots of pumpkins....Lights out. For good.
9:00amish: I wake up. I am staring at a sword hanging on a wall. I am in a cool condo. I don't know where or why. I look around and see OTB. I realize I am safe. I look down, I am not naked. He asks if I want coffee. I ask for SportsCenter instead. I am definitely still drunk. I text to make sure the group knows I'm alive. They do and tell me to go back to sleep. I watch TV and chat it up with OTB.
10:30-11am: OTB has to go pick up someone that was towed the night before. We walk down the street to a nice coffee shop/brunch place. I am clearly looking 'last nightish'. We say our good byes and I tell Sasha and the boys where to find me. I get a coffee and sit on a bench in the sun to wait for them. I call Adam and inform him of the events I remember so far. He is amused.
11:30am: We decide to eat there. I am confused and disoriented so I order the breakfast buffet AND french toast AND a veggie omelet. I hold a plate while Travis piles is food on to it. Flick informs me they have lost my camera. I give Travis a Percocet for his shoulder and decide .... "hey, I'll have one too". My hangover leaps forward with the locomotive of a prescription pill behind it. I am no longer able to eat. I begin to lose motor skills. I brace for the worst.
Noon: We are walking down the street. I decide I'm going to faint so I sit down on a little brick wall behind people taking wedding pictures. Ultimate photo bomb. Sasha tells me I can make it to the car. She holds my arm to lead me there. We start driving. I inform Flick that I'm going to barf. He refuses to pull over saying "You BETTER not puke in my car" I grab a plastic bag on the seat. I realize it is filled with cash, Travis' wallet and his video camera. I dump them out and assume the posish. Travis calmly says "you'll be fine, just take some deep breaths". I do this. I make it back to Sasha's. I refuse to leave the car because I'm scared to move. She brings me a pillow and extra plastic bags for the ride home.
1:00pm: We are on our way. I alternate between lying back and leaning forward depending on how close to barfing I am. The boys smoke cigs and make fun of me. We listen to old school hip hop. I have a backwards jacket on and I'm covered up with another. I see the video camera and watch one of the recordings. It is me getting Iced another time in a very dark bar with only the flashes of cameras lighting my face. I have absolutely no memory of this.
2:30-3:30pm: We arrive home. Flick carries my bag in as I am incapable of most things at this point. I change into sweats and a hoodie and gather anything I may need to reach to move to couch island. Travis uses his one arm to dismantle his basement recliner and carry it upstairs to sleep in. I offer to help, he declines, I ask him for a glass of ice water. Braveheart comes on. We settle in for that.
It really is true... Every man dies, but not every man really lives.
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
10 Reasons For Sanity
Life is hard. It's messy and complicated and a constant struggle to just... maintain. BUT, it's also hilarious, beautiful and the best part; temporary. That's why we should all just take at least as many moments to count our blessings or profess our love as we do to log our stresses.
Here is my attempt. Some things I currently love about my life.
1. My hair is so damn shiny. As I say this, God will probably punish me for my vanity and turn my strawberry lemonade locks to dust via fall wind and dryness, but until that moment, my head is awesome.
2. I had my Halloween costume a month before I needed it. This never happens. I may start trying to do Christmas this early. Though, Christmas won't come complete with slutty accessories. Or will it...
3. I found the absolute perfect jeggings for $15. Jeggings? Yeah, jeggings. Get over it!
4. It has been the prettiest fall so far!! What really made me realize this is getting to take some REALLY long drives through the Midwest on weekends and they were just gorg. Sunshine and leaves and 60 degrees? Gimme a break, that's fuckin awesome!
5. I made so many new friends this summer. There's one that shares my love of flowers in hair, flowy shirts, horrible love movies, sports, sarcasm, blue eyed boys, talking shit, air humping, great shoes and the belief that your house should smell seasonal. She really busts my balls a lot, but I love her.
6. My friends from home text me pics of themselves partying so I don't miss anything. And trust me, I would be pissed had I not received the picture of the hand gun and pack of smokes on a tailgate outside the local VFW. Love their crazy asses too.
7. Pregnant ladies and babies. There are so many of them now! I love, love, love babies so hearing every step of the huge asses, water retention, boil-like acne, longing for alcohol and constant vomiting makes me look forward to holding theirs with my wine buzz and totally still intact vagina. Yay for babies!
8. I'm all over tacky rap music lately. Loving it! I have no idea why. Normally in fall/winter I go all alt rock and dark. Nope. Not so much. Bring on the Lil Wayne and Drake. Bring on the "shawty" and "errybody" and auto tune. Don't get too scared, I'm also listening to Florence and the Machine. Throw in a little Whitesnake too. It's all good, brah.
9. The League. This show gives me so much joy. I mean, my entire TV/DVR schedule right now is pretty effing tight, but The League is my favorite. I want to hang out with these characters at that bar in Chicago SO BAD!!!
10. A whole year of health. Now, part of life's heinous stress is the fact that I will be in medical debt with ruined credit most likely my entire life, but it's still worth feeling healthy. I went 2 years with the contents of my digestive system forcing their way out a self-made path through me to my skin. Getting that surgery, and all the bills and stress that came with, was worth every second of taping and untaping gauze, not doing anything but holding still so my tummy doesn't hurt, rubbing Vaseline on my skin so stomach acid doesn't eat it all away, drinking the worst stuff on earth so Dr. Greggy can look at my guts glow, jamming a needle in my leg every two weeks, all of it. And every single person that called, texted, emailed, visited, helped me, went to appointments with me, they're all responsible for the health too. Every nurse that held my hand while I got stitched up or dried my eyes after they put an IV in me or forgave me while I was losing my mind on them or reassured me that I was recovering beautifully. Every person who saw my scar and said "Eh, it's no big." even though it looks like I got the worst end of an axe fight. Every second that Dr. White spent over me with that scalpel. Every minute I spent crying in Dr. Greggy's office where he had to say "Don't cry. Then I'll cry. And I'll make my assistants come in here and cry. I will fix you. I swear to you.". He came through on every single thing he said to me. And allllll of that is worth being able to run around like a wild animal now. And it's worth every dollar I have to spend and every point that goes away from my credit score.
Life is a real bitch sometimes, but every morning that I wake up and see that scar in the mirror I am reminded.... shit could be a LOT worse. Hey, At least I'm not eating hospital food right now.
Here is my attempt. Some things I currently love about my life.
1. My hair is so damn shiny. As I say this, God will probably punish me for my vanity and turn my strawberry lemonade locks to dust via fall wind and dryness, but until that moment, my head is awesome.
2. I had my Halloween costume a month before I needed it. This never happens. I may start trying to do Christmas this early. Though, Christmas won't come complete with slutty accessories. Or will it...
3. I found the absolute perfect jeggings for $15. Jeggings? Yeah, jeggings. Get over it!
4. It has been the prettiest fall so far!! What really made me realize this is getting to take some REALLY long drives through the Midwest on weekends and they were just gorg. Sunshine and leaves and 60 degrees? Gimme a break, that's fuckin awesome!
5. I made so many new friends this summer. There's one that shares my love of flowers in hair, flowy shirts, horrible love movies, sports, sarcasm, blue eyed boys, talking shit, air humping, great shoes and the belief that your house should smell seasonal. She really busts my balls a lot, but I love her.
6. My friends from home text me pics of themselves partying so I don't miss anything. And trust me, I would be pissed had I not received the picture of the hand gun and pack of smokes on a tailgate outside the local VFW. Love their crazy asses too.
7. Pregnant ladies and babies. There are so many of them now! I love, love, love babies so hearing every step of the huge asses, water retention, boil-like acne, longing for alcohol and constant vomiting makes me look forward to holding theirs with my wine buzz and totally still intact vagina. Yay for babies!
8. I'm all over tacky rap music lately. Loving it! I have no idea why. Normally in fall/winter I go all alt rock and dark. Nope. Not so much. Bring on the Lil Wayne and Drake. Bring on the "shawty" and "errybody" and auto tune. Don't get too scared, I'm also listening to Florence and the Machine. Throw in a little Whitesnake too. It's all good, brah.
9. The League. This show gives me so much joy. I mean, my entire TV/DVR schedule right now is pretty effing tight, but The League is my favorite. I want to hang out with these characters at that bar in Chicago SO BAD!!!
10. A whole year of health. Now, part of life's heinous stress is the fact that I will be in medical debt with ruined credit most likely my entire life, but it's still worth feeling healthy. I went 2 years with the contents of my digestive system forcing their way out a self-made path through me to my skin. Getting that surgery, and all the bills and stress that came with, was worth every second of taping and untaping gauze, not doing anything but holding still so my tummy doesn't hurt, rubbing Vaseline on my skin so stomach acid doesn't eat it all away, drinking the worst stuff on earth so Dr. Greggy can look at my guts glow, jamming a needle in my leg every two weeks, all of it. And every single person that called, texted, emailed, visited, helped me, went to appointments with me, they're all responsible for the health too. Every nurse that held my hand while I got stitched up or dried my eyes after they put an IV in me or forgave me while I was losing my mind on them or reassured me that I was recovering beautifully. Every person who saw my scar and said "Eh, it's no big." even though it looks like I got the worst end of an axe fight. Every second that Dr. White spent over me with that scalpel. Every minute I spent crying in Dr. Greggy's office where he had to say "Don't cry. Then I'll cry. And I'll make my assistants come in here and cry. I will fix you. I swear to you.". He came through on every single thing he said to me. And allllll of that is worth being able to run around like a wild animal now. And it's worth every dollar I have to spend and every point that goes away from my credit score.
Life is a real bitch sometimes, but every morning that I wake up and see that scar in the mirror I am reminded.... shit could be a LOT worse. Hey, At least I'm not eating hospital food right now.
Friday, October 15, 2010
24 Weeks Ducked
Ok, Duck. I thought a lot had happened 2 weeks ago? That was child's play.
Your Mom!! I had no idea it was possible for her to be more beautiful, but being prego with you suits her very well. She looks exactly the same, but with a glow of pure bliss and a butt! Like... Sir Mix-A-Lot butt. Wait til you see it! When she was running across TJ Maxx to hug me, it's honestly the first thing I noticed. It's hilarious. She looks so amazing and so happy. You haven't slowed her down one bit. She still runs around crazy with seemingly endless energy. I spaced out that you were in there and asked her to try my margarita at dinner. Sorry about that. She even attempted to come to the bars with us for a while, but there was no way. Downtown was so crowded and I would have probably fainted if anyone even brushed up against her. She left me to party with your uncles and cousins and I just woke her up when I got back to sloppily tell drunken tales. Wait til you meet her, she is so fantastic. I couldn't stop randomly hugging her all weekend, but I waited all the way to the gas station to start bawling when I left to not upset her too much.
OMG... you! I felt you, Ducky!! Your Mom and I probably blew out your little ears when I first saw you, so sorry about that, but I couldn't help it. You are already a perfect little Duck bump. You definitely tried to play it coy and tease me at first. Your Mom sat on the couch because you apparently try to get her moving again every time she's relaxing by kicking her ass. I laid my hands on you for a while, but you would only move every time I got up to go change clothes! I can already see how our relationship is going to go and I'm just fine with that. I like a challenge. When you finally did give me what I wanted, it is a moment I'll never forget. I will always remember where we were, what we were doing, what your Mom was wearing, what I was wearing. It was one of those memories you just carry around with you everywhere to bring out for a smile. Then you REALLY put it into gear out to dinner. You must thoroughly enjoy Mexican Food. You kicked and moved so much I got bored with you. Kiiiidding.
You are 24 weeks baked today! You had a pretty great baby shower. There was booze there, thank Goodness. Everyone made you onesies. I made one with all the places your Mom and I used to go when we lived in the same city on it. I don't want to blow my own trombone, but basically... I'm super artsy and crafty. No big. You'll see when you get out. We'll do projects.
Oh Duck, I love you soooo much already. I can't wait to meet you, but I also want your Mom to stay prego forever because she looks so happy and so fab in maternity clothes. I still can't figure out what you are. One day your Mom will wake up and call you a boy, then the next a girl. She's SO cute when she says it to. She stares into space and touches you and says "today... I think it's a girl." with a glowy, happy smile. You are ridin' dirty pretty low right now, which makes me say boy, but your Mom has also grown some major hips which makes me say girl. I guess we will just see!
I have to go because my place of employment frowns upon blogging on company time. Going against the man is what life is about though, right? Well, not for you, since "the man" feeds you through a creepy, cord-like thing right now, but for the rest of us. I may see you at Thanksgiving, so until then, smoooooooch.
Eat you up I love you so!
xoxoxox
PS, Sorry again about trying to get you wastey face with that margarita. 21.5 years from now though, you and me kid. We'll show em how it's done.
Here we go,
Your Dad remained in Los Angeles while I went to Minnesota to see you and the rest of your family so I don't have much to say about him. I made him a bag for you. He has also picked out his own bag for you, which I think is hilarious and so him. I went to see his movie with your Mom so you and I have already had our first concert and movie date together! I'm sure he still has a glorious head of hair.
I met your baby cousin!! She is perfect and wonderful and incredibly spoiled. I have a feeling that aside for sleeping and having to pose in baskets for your Mom to take pictures of her, she has never been put down once. I can't say I blame everyone. Even I couldn't stop holding her. If she's not sleeping she's eating. That kid can EAT. If she's not sleeping or eating, she's squirming. She punches and kicks a lot so I hope you 2 aren't going to get in fights too much. I feel like she has been training like Rocky before the Russian. She makes ridiculously funny faces. Likes to furrow her barely there brows a lot. I could hold her and stare at her all day. She's a rad little peanut.Your Mom!! I had no idea it was possible for her to be more beautiful, but being prego with you suits her very well. She looks exactly the same, but with a glow of pure bliss and a butt! Like... Sir Mix-A-Lot butt. Wait til you see it! When she was running across TJ Maxx to hug me, it's honestly the first thing I noticed. It's hilarious. She looks so amazing and so happy. You haven't slowed her down one bit. She still runs around crazy with seemingly endless energy. I spaced out that you were in there and asked her to try my margarita at dinner. Sorry about that. She even attempted to come to the bars with us for a while, but there was no way. Downtown was so crowded and I would have probably fainted if anyone even brushed up against her. She left me to party with your uncles and cousins and I just woke her up when I got back to sloppily tell drunken tales. Wait til you meet her, she is so fantastic. I couldn't stop randomly hugging her all weekend, but I waited all the way to the gas station to start bawling when I left to not upset her too much.
OMG... you! I felt you, Ducky!! Your Mom and I probably blew out your little ears when I first saw you, so sorry about that, but I couldn't help it. You are already a perfect little Duck bump. You definitely tried to play it coy and tease me at first. Your Mom sat on the couch because you apparently try to get her moving again every time she's relaxing by kicking her ass. I laid my hands on you for a while, but you would only move every time I got up to go change clothes! I can already see how our relationship is going to go and I'm just fine with that. I like a challenge. When you finally did give me what I wanted, it is a moment I'll never forget. I will always remember where we were, what we were doing, what your Mom was wearing, what I was wearing. It was one of those memories you just carry around with you everywhere to bring out for a smile. Then you REALLY put it into gear out to dinner. You must thoroughly enjoy Mexican Food. You kicked and moved so much I got bored with you. Kiiiidding.
You are 24 weeks baked today! You had a pretty great baby shower. There was booze there, thank Goodness. Everyone made you onesies. I made one with all the places your Mom and I used to go when we lived in the same city on it. I don't want to blow my own trombone, but basically... I'm super artsy and crafty. No big. You'll see when you get out. We'll do projects.
Oh Duck, I love you soooo much already. I can't wait to meet you, but I also want your Mom to stay prego forever because she looks so happy and so fab in maternity clothes. I still can't figure out what you are. One day your Mom will wake up and call you a boy, then the next a girl. She's SO cute when she says it to. She stares into space and touches you and says "today... I think it's a girl." with a glowy, happy smile. You are ridin' dirty pretty low right now, which makes me say boy, but your Mom has also grown some major hips which makes me say girl. I guess we will just see!
I have to go because my place of employment frowns upon blogging on company time. Going against the man is what life is about though, right? Well, not for you, since "the man" feeds you through a creepy, cord-like thing right now, but for the rest of us. I may see you at Thanksgiving, so until then, smoooooooch.
Eat you up I love you so!
xoxoxox
PS, Sorry again about trying to get you wastey face with that margarita. 21.5 years from now though, you and me kid. We'll show em how it's done.
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