Baked Duck

Ok Duckface. It's the home stretch!!

Your Grandma and Grandpa and Uncle T were there for Christmas. Uncle T got to watch New Moon and seemed VERY excited about it. He was also introduced to my old neighborhood and your Mom told him all about the pesto pasta she loved to eat at my house. I'm sure he was thrilled. They had some troubles finding a flight home, so you almost spent New Years with them as well!

Your Father has apparently been taking notes from your Mom in some departments. I heard today that he called Restoration Hardware and lost his shit while demanding your crib arrive on time. I pray that this is not over-exaggerated because imagining it makes me extremely happy inside. I would have paid good money to watch that call take place. I bet his hair didn't budge an inch. I would have been in the background cheering him on and opening beers for him. I mean, pouring him tea. When I asked your Mom where you were going to sleep, (I suggested dresser drawer or laundry basket to keep it classy) she said "Eh, I don't know, probably the stroller". Don't let all the RH furniture fool you, you're already white trash. Embrace it.

It's pretty official that your Mother is going to remain a crazy, energetic animal right up until your birth. Hopefully not during, but who knows. You know where you were on New Years Day? The Rose Bowl. The fricking Rose Bowl!!! No matter how air tight strong your Dad's hair is, I doubt it could protect her from tens of thousands of rabid, drunk college football fans. The best part about that is when I asked her how you reacted she said "Oh, I was jumping around screaming the whole time so I think the baby was just over it and went to sleep." ....great. I feel so calm about that. Also, I have been on this planet for 33 years and you already have a cooler life than I do and you haven't even exited your Mom yet.

You!!! You are almost 36 weeks bro! About 6 lbs and about 18 or so inches. You know what else that means? You are basically fully baked! You're still getting fat and practicing your blinking and your sucking, but if you were born right now, you would be just fine. I don't encourage this. Your crib isn't here, you'll have to sleep in some rando spot, you don't have a girl name, and I would really like you to hold out (or in) til my birthday. That should also give your Mom more time to just get restless instead of being terrified.

So, another thing littlest Duckling, we need to discuss how your cousin is really upstaging you. I mean, it's not a competition and everyone who knows you both has enough love to go around, but I'm just saying. You are being born into a family of insanely loud, intense people. Until I have my eventual baby with genes from one of your Uncles, it's just going to be you and your cousin battling for first place. I have been trying to talk over your Mother for years and even as loud as I am... it's challenging.

Here are some things your cousin does to grab attention:

1. Blinks
2. Stares
3. Moves her hands while staring at them
4. Cries
5. Arches her back. Sometimes while whining
6. Sucks on the arm of whoever is holding her
7. Barfs
8. Smiles (this is huge, learn this early)

Here are my suggestions for you to steal the spotlight:

1. Bring up sports. Especially corruption in sports.
2. Mention politics, claim to be a hardcore Democrat
3. Hum a Dave Matthews Band song
4. Mention how your eyesight is better than perfect (works for me every time)
5. Win 3 consecutive rounds of Scattergories (Almost impossible as your Papa cheats)
6. Suggest Pagliai's Pizza for dinner
7. Say you just used up the rest of the Captain Morgan's Rum
8. Walk or talk first. I know that's a lot to ask as she's going to have at least 4 months on you, but come on!! You can do it! Don't be lazy!

Since we're getting so close, I may start talking to you weekly now. Let's see if there's anything to say other than how nervous/excited I am!! Until then, consider what I've said and please start moving your head down. It's time for that according to the books. And continue to get big, get big, get big!!

Eat you up I love you so xoxox
Me