1. Turn signals are optional and only needed at "certain times".
2. Because she paid for Geek Squad on the TV and blue ray player she bought me as a housewarming gift, they should come to my house to assist with any and all technical needs. I explained to her several times that Geek Squad can not come help get my Comcast wifi working, they are ONLY available to help with things purchased at Best Buy, but she just keeps insisting "Call those bastards, that's what I pay them for!".
3. Brownies from her favorite coffee shop have some sort of addictive chemical in them and that's why she eats so many.
4. Farting in public is totally fine as long as you walk away because "it's harmful to keep inside you".
5. The more pets, the better. Especially of the rescued variety.
6. Putting clothes on above pets is not only acceptable, but hilarious and warrants a facebook post.
7. My friend Tony Chin-Quee is the FUNNIEST, and the emphasis should go on the Chin part of his last name.
8. She can pull off aviator sunglasses.
9. It's not cool or special unless it comes from a flea market or yard sale. (she's actually remarkably good at finding cool stuff at both places)
10. This is totally the year for the Cubs to win it all.
Oh, Vanessa...
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