Friday, September 27, 2013

The 10 Stages Of Me Seeing A Snake At Work

There I was....sitting on the ground enjoying the sunshine....

- "SCREEEEEEEEAAAAAAM! OH FUCKING GROSS! SCREAM!" (out loud)

- *Scrambling backward while attempting to stand up, basically crab walking while having a bobblehead, trying to unsee what I just saw*

- "Ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ewwwwwww" (out loud with eyes closed quickly walking away)

- 'HOW did this happen on the very last garden day of the summer?' (inner dialogue)

- 'Do I even WANT a garden next year? I mean, this is bullshit' (inner dialogue)

- 'What kind of snake WAS that? Was it an adult or a baby? Why was it so shiny?' (inner dialogue)

- *Looks at hands and feet to check that no other snakes, bugs, amphibians attached themselves to me. Burst in door of kitchen*

- "YOU GUYS I JUST SAW A SNAKE OUTSIDE *tear drips down face* AND SOMEONE NEEDS TO GO TAKE CARE OF IT!" (Said out loud, received with laughter from co-workers)

-  'I hate all of these jerks. I bet they would have pissed themselves a little bit too.' (inner dialogue)

- *Looks down one more time to MAKE SURE no other snakes made it in the door with me some how, shivers*

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