You In Weeks, Me In Years

Hello Your Royal Duckness,


What up? I mean, aside for your parents being total maniacs and all.


Your father sent me a few pilots for reference to write my own. Or, his assistant sent them to me. She's very nice and I hope she tolerates your Dad long enough to meet you. I then sent him the gift that keeps on giving. The link to http://dadsonvacation.tumblr.com/ . He then gave me the ALL CAPS treatment in a follow up email informing me that I could be writing a TV show with the time I spend on meaningless comedy sites. He's got a point, but I told him to save the yelling for when you're born. Babies need yelled at. As much as he has called me for help with your Mother in the past, I'm sure he will be calling me for help with you and like the Saint I am, I will be there to oblige. In all lower case. He means well.


Your Mother. Ugh, this one. I know it's just me being a worrier, but the woman is terrifying. She. Never. Stops. Moving. I don't know if she's been clued in yet, but as your Uncle T pointed out "Does she know she's growing a person inside her?". I get that she's nesting and all, but jeez. The only thing I can say is she has switched from heels to Reebok EasyTones. A step in the right direction. Last night, I was on the phone with her and she just yelled "Someone's at my door, I have to go!". Then, about 20 minutes later, I went into crazy panic mode that it was a stranger and they killed her. I texted to make sure this didn't happen and she informed me it was just your Christmas tree being delivered so.... I'm actually not sure who is more psycho at this point, your Mom or me. I may need anti-anxiety meds when it gets closer to your due date. No joke.


You are now 33 weeks baked! You are getting to be a little fatty and very concentrated on gaining weight. As you do, your wrinkled alien skin is going to start turning from red to perfect pink and you'll look less like a monster. (here's to hoping!) You are around 5lbs and 18 inches long! Your Mom recently took a breast feeding class so... good luck with that when you arrive. Ick. After that class, your Dad thought it would be cool to feed her some MSG so they got Chinese food. Your Mom's fortune had one word on it for her to learn in Chinese.... Daughter. If that's not a sign that I'm right and you're a little girl, I don't know what is! Evidence is mounting!

No matter what you are, I can NOT wait to meet you. I wanna smother you with kisses and take 500 pictures of you! I can't wait to battle your Grandpa for time spent holding you! I can't wait to watch your Dad attempt to change your diaper! We are going to have so much fun, little Duckling. So much fun. Get big, Get big, Get big.

Eat you up I love you so,

xoxo me