Only Sixteen Days Left, Assholes!!!

Well people. It's that time. I just wanted to put my Christmas list out into the world so everyone knows what they should be spending their money on. Here goes.

1. A new job. One in Chicago that lets me pay rent, keep my car and still afford Forever21 clothing

2. All the Bumble and Bumble Thickening products. My hair obsesh has risen to new heights and since I have a luscious, healthy mane for the first time since I was in 5th grade, I'm taking care of this thing. I may even purchase a weave since half of my friends are now clipping this plastic shit onto their heads.

3. An armpit job. Boobs? No. Nose? Nah. These fat ass armpits have GOT to go.

4. Some sort of season pass to the 2011 Kings of Leon Summer Tour. Now that Dave Matthews Band has decided to take a Summer off, I need a new band to pretend to still be young to. (said pass should probably also come with a fat sack of weed either to smoke or sell for gas money. Stocking stuffer!)

5. Season 1 of The League on DVD. Now, you may want to consult with my roommate on this one because he is the world champion of downloading free shit off the Internet. You could just write on it with a Sharpie. Snazz it up a bit.

6. A digital camera. I should be just passing this on to one of my friends after Flick lost his that I borrowed on the epic trip to Columbus, but I would probably just keep it, then buy him one later when I remember. I'm nice like that.

7. A new TV. Don't get me wrong, I love my old school tube with the built in DVD player in my bedroom, it has served more than it's asked duties, but it's probably time I at least try to slip into the 90's and get a flat screen. A small one will do.

8. A pony. I ask every fucking year and every fucking year, nobody listens. Brown with a white strip on his chest, please.

9. For Duck's Dad to send me some damn writing concepts and for those concepts to flow out of my fingers into a pilot that sells for a trillion dollars. I don't think it's too much to ask.

10. A Roomba that A) Works for once. B) Scares away mice. C) Helps me with my writing. and D) Plays all my favorite music not unlike DJ Roomba as seen on Parks and Rec last season.

If you don't have time to pick any of this good shit up, then CA$H is always accepted! Along with HONOR$, YACHT$, CAR$ and LUXURIE$. If it's good enough for Kenny Powers, it's good enough for my Christmas present.

Thanks friends!