"Get Your Hand Out Of My Pants, There Are Children Behind Us"

After all this time, here is a brief list of the things JD still doesn't understand about me:

1.   Why I would ever set foot in a TJ Maxx, mid-range chain restaurant (aside for the California Pizza Kitchen in Somerset) or a campground.

2.   That I CAN ski, I just prefer not to as I hate being cold and sliding downhill.

3.   How Busch Light doesn't actually kill me upon entering my mouth.

4.   Why I get furious when he constantly begs me to go see a movie....at 10:30 on a week night. Also, how I could possibly deny him fingering me in the theater when he's bored during a movie I choose.

5.   How I own so few 100% cashmere sweaters and blazers.

6.   Why I use an alarm to wake up. Why I choose to show up on time for work. Or at all.

7.   Why I get irritated if he takes his 2 hour lunches at the strip club.

8.   How I don't want to stay up until 2am watching Dexter with him regularly.

9.   Why I would ever turn on the ringer of my phone. Also, how I don't lose my phone once a week.

10. The names of my parents.

11. Why I hang up when he leaves me on hold for longer than 5 minutes.

12. Why I don't take a vacation to Florida with him for the entire month of February.

13. Why I ask him to wear his seatbelt and to not drive 20 mph over the speed limit.

14. How "I JUST had a heart attack" doesn't still work on me when he does something wrong.

15. Why the waist of my yoga pants comes up so high.

16. That it takes me longer than 15 minutes to be showered and ready for a party.

17. How I still tolerate him.