I have had a splendid time in my day judging girls, but this whole Basic Bitch/Bad Bitch fight has to get sorted out. You know why? Because it's fall and I want to do a bunch of really basic ass shit and I consider myself a straight up Bad Bitch for life.
You know what makes someone Basic? Doing something because everyone else does it. If you're kicking it in the Midwest with chunky highlights or an inverted bob and some chandelier earrings, you basic, girl. You need to get your shit sorted and look at some magazines and exit 2004. Those things can't even be considered classic, they're just no bueno. Do not be afraid of what the other moms at daycare would say, they're Basic as Fuck too. It's totally ok to try out that look you saw on Kate Hudson that one time. Now, if you know the basic things you're wearing are tragically uncool, have given it some extra thought and decided "You know what? This is how I look best and I'm gonna run with this! Tunics and puffy vests forever!" then, strut those mom jeans, girl. STRUT. With pride. We can't all look cutting edge all the time! I wear loafers every second someone doesn't forcefully take them off my feet and though the people around me collectively sigh every time they see them coming, I think I look like Michael fucking Jackson, but cooler and a better dancer. So fuck everyone. I woke up like dis.
It's now fall. The most Basic time of year. What honestly tends to cause all of us to look slightly basic in this season is the changing weather. It's not always easy to look fierce as hell when it's 40 degrees and raining. Sometimes one must wear some chore boots and a parka and carry around a latte because it's necessary. Now, can those be American flag or rose print chore boots and a lace bomber jacket instead? Sure they can, if you're me and you want to piss off your very tasteful and conservative loved ones. Go for it! I live to see the cringing.
And you know what else?? If I want to wear a chunky turtleneck sweater and vintage riding boots and stand in a pumpkin patch taking a selfie while drinking apple cider, I'm going to fucking do it. I'm going to do it ALL DAY LONG. In fact, I'll post whatever GD Instagram I choose. Fall foliage in Grosse Pointe? You bet. The back of my dude's head as he reads the newspaper with #adorbs? Fuck yes. My first PSL (and if you don't know what that stands for, just quit life now) held up against a cloudy sky? You bet! Cornfield-lined dirt roads? Fuck yes again. It's not like I'm getting fake nails with French manicures, for fucks sake, it's just some simple seasonal clichés! They're tradition! Still Bad Bitch Status.
And while I'm at Pure Barre, in my chore boots and Patagonia, while sipping a latte and taking a selfie and tagging myself there I will still be #flawless.
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