Dear Mr. Spina,
The Office of Melissa Johnson sincerely thanks you for your recent inquiry into the health and well being of her mouth. Her dental procedure went very well and, after several "pill parties", she is feeling much better! The working order of said mouth for certain "activities" is on a TBD basis for now, but should be up and running quite soon, and we appreciate your patience in this matter.
An EXTRA thanks is extended to you for choosing, for once, not to take the Lord's name in vain during your already profanity-laced jokefest regarding the manner in which Ms. Johnson injured her mouth. She has been listening to Take Me To Church by Hozier at your request on repeat, and yes, the lyrics are lovely and very fitting, a nice comfort in this trying time.
Again, Ms. Johnson is very grateful for your continued support and concern.
All The Very Best,
Melissa's Future New Assistant - Whose First Day Is August 4 (and I imagine this is how she'll write my emails)
PS: Ms. Johnson has declined your request to "take some of the pills off her hands".
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