When I was the person at work who continuously had the highest transaction count, and Skoal Can told me "slow down dude, the faster you go, the more work, the higher the expectations" and I was like "eh... no way, it will slow down eventually".... I should have listened to that lesbian genius.
Today, as I am just absolutely scrambling to get through my rail draft, our temp boss from corporate slinks up to my cubicle to say "your transaction count from last week was ridiculously high, you're awesome, I mean, I told you you could do it." and I'm all "yeah, is that good? Ok, well, I'm going to keep voucher matching, did you need something else?" without ever looking up at her. She says "Nope, just wanted to tell you how you did and it was super great. We'll decide who gets what freight accounts permanently figured out this week some time". Yeah, ok. Whatever. I have a draft due tomorrow that I just started. Scram.
"This week some time" turned out to be at exactly 3:30 according to the meeting notification in my Outlook. She explained to us that she wasn't going to show the 3 of us what accounts we got because she didn't think that was fair (or want us to lose our shit) but we would get a list anyway so we know how to divide the mail up. When my list was handed to me, I just... stared. Partly because the antibiotics I'm on for my stress rash also cause me to be dizzy and light-headed, but also because I still have both huge rail accounts. And one from Canada. AND a list of 20 trucking accounts. Including the 2nd biggest one. As my eyes welled up with tears, she was busy explaining how I should finish the draft I'm on, then divide it up blah blah and I'm thinking "divide what up? I still have the entire draft. Do you think you're tricking me? I have all the rail, you just also piled 20 trucking accounts on top of it". I sort of zoned out and then I heard her say "who has this, this and this trucking?" while holding up her pile of unanswered invoices. I looked down at my list and raised my hand. So I was handed a stack before I ever left her office. The other 2 ladies were literally laughing. It was 4pm, I leave at 5pm, I wasn't done matching a huge draft of rail cars due end of day tomorrow, and within 10 minutes, there was a stack a foot high of fed ex and manila envelopes next to me with invoices. All checks due to audit on Monday by 3pm.
I got up, went to the bathroom and LET IT RIP. Just cried for about 2 minutes straight while holding cold wet paper towel to my face so it my eyes didn't get red. I cried because she's fucking high thinking that's realistic for me to get through (even though I'm basically a fucking wizard with invoicing) in a week. I cried because I miss my friends. I cried because I was kind of hungry. I cried because I didn't like how my hair looked. I cried because I can't decide what dress to wear to the rehearsal dinner. I cried because I wonder what that woodchuck in that big yard does when he runs out of apples and will he be cold this winter. I cried because I want to see my Mom. I cried because I wish my mix CD didn't skip during Halo by Beyonce. I cried because I don't like having a rash OR being on meds for a rash. I cried because I don't want to go back to that cubicle and look up and realize I've worked in it for 15 years.
Then I stopped. Patted my eyes. Made sure I didn't look messy. Went back to my desk. Took a drink of water. Texted like 3 people about how much I fucking hate work. And voucher matched some more invoices. Next time I saw Corporate Temp, I was squishing as much of that stack in a drawer as possible. Not today, mail. Maybe not tomorrow either!
I'm really trying to get a grip. In the middle of the account meeting, one of the ladies randomly announced that some little kid was climbing a tree last weekend in Saginaw and got electrocuted. When she said that, we all just stared at her. I had several thoughts, but I narrowed it down to "shit, guess it could be worse" and "fuck. lucky kid".
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