October 14

Today was once the worst day of my whole life. It's the anniversary of when my Grandmother passed away. Every year, this day comes up and it's so hard to remember the anxiety I felt waiting to hear she had come out of surgery ok. Or to feel the same tenseness in my shoulders I had all day that day. I will never not be sad on this day, and I will never stop missing her, but something else great happened on this day.

Adam H Newman got a baby sister. And she was married last weekend. She is on her honeymoon. And she is one of the nicest, most beautiful, most pure people I have ever encountered. I used to get a little sad that her birthday was on this day because I knew that I would always be reminded of it. It would never come and go without me noticing. But, now I think of what a happy day that is for their family. And what it must have been like for Adam's mom, on this day, to hold a baby girl after giving birth to 3 lame boys. (kidding) And I think about all the joy she has brought to the lives around her. And her funny little walk, and her huge eyes, her loud laugh, how sincere she is in everything she does.

And its good to be reminded that I had a Grandmother that I loved so much it broke my heart to lose her. And I think about all the amazing things she did for me. And how she would play cards with me. And make me breakfast. And put encouraging post it notes in my lunch all the time. Or just ones that told me she loved me. How she would sneak up and scare the shit out of me. The smell of her perfume. The red hair I have because of her. And I'm reminded to tell my Mom I love her. And show love and affection to the people around me. To laugh and play and joke just like she did. To dance when I'm cooking. To use my imagination like she encouraged. To forgive others and myself. To talk to and hug kids because they need it. To think about each day when it's over and find the joy.

I have a lot to be joyful for.