Here are some of my latest thoughts.
- I love crazy Charlie Sheen. It's just too bad that someone is going to stick him in rehab or he's going to kill himself soon. I could listen to those one liners for another month before I got truly bored. I mean, I feel sorry for his kids and all, but they have Martin Sheen as a Grandpa so they'll be just fine. Dude has played the President on TV.
- Spring is trying so hard to get here. I can taste the patio drinks now. I actually smelled a skunk yesterday so that means fuzzy mammals are coming out of hiding. Shouldn't the woodchucks be close behind?? I mean... it's time. Stop sleeping. I miss your fat little asses.
- I saw James Van Der Beek in the new Ke$ha video. Who knew that quivering-lipped Dawson Leary would turn out to be so GD sexy as a normal adult! That wordy bastard wore carpenter jeans in Varsity Blues. Carpenter jeans! I mean, I use "normal adult" loosely because he's in a Ke$ha video, but he's funny and there are Unicorns, that's normal enough for me.
- Poison and Motley Crue are touring together this summer. This is like Damon and Stephen Salvatore simultaneously telling me they want to be my live in boyfriends, but with fewer STDs. Fuck! Yes!
- Every time I skype with CML's baby, she gets bigger and crazier and I love it. As soon as the speaker comes on, I can hear her screaming in the background. She's very confused by seeing and hearing me on the screen. Too bad she's (like her parents) too young to remember Max Headroom. I'm like that, but way less douchey.
- Status on my Alec Baldwin crush: Then, Now and Forever.
- Parks And Rec is the best comedy on TV right now. Modern Family is definitely a close second, but the mix of characters is just gold. Ron Swanson. He is all that is man. And at the risk of sounding like a moron (though when has that ever concerned me), who knew Rob Lowe was such a good comedy actor?
- I am trying to not eat Chipotle for a whole month. I highly doubt I will make it even 2 weeks. By the end of week 3, I would be crazier than Charlie Sheen. I would rather hold my breath for a day. Hell, I would rather spend a week under water looking at eels, sharks and zombies. Everyone knows how much I like being under water.
- Seafood salad on lime tortilla chips. Put it in your mouth.
- If I see one more "Your Baby Can Read!!" commercial, I'm gonna lose it. Your baby can't read, you asshole, your baby thinks words are pictures. The alphabet is a pretty important part of life. How about teaching a kid that. I get that you want to give your child any advantage you can from as young an age as possible, but look, random housewife from Kansas, don't order that. Your baby can maybe "read" by the end, but that dumb kid can't spell for shit. Show the kid a picture of a cat and ask them to spell it. I bet they just start screeching in terror or asking you why you derailed their brain before they had a chance to put it to good use.
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