I will never understand men as long as I live. Though, having many close guy friends, a male roommate and Adam H. Newman as first a boyfriend then a best friend has helped me... cope. In light of some recent events (that did not happen to me, I'm all set thanks) here are some of my thoughts on men.
- A man will say absolutely anything to get what he wants. A-ny-thing. Whether he wants a sandwich, sex, a job, a date or you to marry him, he'll say whatever he thinks will seal this deal.
- Even the guy your friend sets you up with that she describes as "the super nice guy, so sweet, just a good guy"with her hand on her chest, a sad face and her head tilted, is capable of screwing you over. Even HE can lie, cheat and leave you. Whether he's your boyfriend of a week or your husband of 20 years. Not saying he will, but he's very capable.
- A man can tell you how much he loves you 10 times in one day. He can also wake up the next morning and break up with you. I have seen it happen.
- When questioned about cheating, a common thing a man will say is "where would I find the time?". If he wants to? Oh, he'll find the time. He'll find plenty of fucking time.
- They are also capable of incredible levels of cowardice. I mean, the emotional equivalent of throwing you in front of a bullet to save themselves. The same man that went with you to take your dog to the vet and held you as you cried would also make you feel responsible for him breaking up with you when really he just wants to nail other people. But saying that... now, that makes him bad guy. Yes. That's how they think.
Now, that being said....
They are capable of amazing feats of love and faith. It's like that line in Jerry McGuire "Men are the enemy... but I still love the enemy". Did I just quote that movie? Really? Yeah, I did. And I'll do it again. ALL men are not bad. There's nothing worse than an "All men do this horrible thing" or "Fuck love!" quote. The reason that men and love are so amazing is because they are both simultaneously ridiculously good and strong, then terribly fragile. Sometimes I don't even blame them.
I'll tell you this. Take one day, a Friday for example. Wake up and just decide to think, speak, have the ego of a man that day. Obviously you're not disguising your voice or anything frittata like that, but just behave is if you were you, but a man. At home, at work, and best of all... that night in a bar. Throw your girly cautions and flirty smiles to the effing wind. Stare some dudes up and down. Talk to one, and the second a better looking one comes by, look at him, then go after him. Don't be especially rude, just do whatever the hell you please. Talk to your friends, chat using whatever naughty language you want, have a blasty blast, but everything you do, think of the way a boy would do it and try that. Take no fucking prisoners. Now, wake up the next day and tell me you didn't feel a little stronger, more powerful, sexier. If you don't, fine. Don't try it again. If you do, keep it up. One day a week, then one more and so on. Trust me, it's fun. The best of both worlds usually is. A Charlotte and a Samantha mixed together with less cheesy dialogue. A Kanye West attitude singing a Taylor Swift song. The ultimate dream!
Now, this is also single me talking. Happy relationship me sings a different tune because I'm usually drinking the Kool Aid. I will say this, I know ONE man. One. That has been honest and consistent and forthright in the 15+ years that I have known him. (that I know of) Not great odds, but I'll tell you how I get through that and alllll the bullshit above to occasionally make it from single me to happy relationship me in a world filled with douchebaggery. Think like a man. Treat a man the way they treat everything in life; like it's a joke or a game to be played. Analyze that any way you like. As soon as you tire of this and would rather be drinking the relationship Purple Drink, you'll know and let your guard down.
Just remember; If this is empty *points to heart*, this doesn't matter *points to head*. Is that relevant to this rantalicious blog? I'm unsure, but I told you I would quote Jerry Maguire again and by God, I keep my promises!!! (unlike all men.)
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