"I hope I do good on my English test!!! And Free Weezy!"

Randoms


1. My roommate grew a beard on a whim. I think it looks nice on him! He's a big, tall dude so he looks even more manly and intimidating. He enjoys rubbing things on the beard. Seriously. The other day I saw him rubbing the remote on it. Then a red Solo cup. He seems to have gotten past the itchy stage, but he says he's now in the stage where "I can SEE the mustache when I look down". I can see the hair on my toes if the sun shines on it just right so I feel his pain.


2. Last night I was touching my hair to make sure it was still there and shiny and I discovered a ladybug just chilling on my head. How long had it been there? What did it want? I didn't kill it because I have always been taught that ladybugs are good luck. I just flicked it on the floor where it will die soon enough of natural causes and I'll sweep it up with the swiffer. later on, I saw it outside my bedroom door. Was that the same one? It is BENT on giving me my good luck and I admire that in a flying insect!


3. I finally gain weight like a normal, healthy human being. This is awesome for my ass, not the greatest for my tummy. The most noticeable change in my journey to womanhood is that I am getting fat enough where I can feel my boobs actually bounce when I walk. It sort of startled me. This has never happened before. I texted Duck's Mom to tell her this and her response was "Welcome to the club! 98% of women in the world are already in it." Ladies of Earth: I'm now with you!


4. Years and years ago, I had a boyfriend much older than me (I know, shocker). We broke up for many reasons, he was a great guy and she's a nice lady, but the biggest was because he couldn't cut the umbilical cord. A few nights ago, I had a dream that I was lying in bed, fully clothed, flipping channels and I looked over and he and his Mom were lying there too going through some figurines of colorful farm animals they had ordered in the mail and deciding where they should be placed in the house. I just remember my eyes widening, my mouth dropping open, and waking myself up. I would just like to take this moment to thank God for validating my life choices through the magic of dreams. You have no idea how real a possibility this could have been.


5. Foods I am currently addicted to: Mini quiche from Sam's Club, whole wheat angel hair with olive oil, cherry tomatoes with swiss on Trisquits, brown rice with yellow and red peppers, cheap frozen pizzas covered in banana peppers, semi-sweet chocolate chips. Everything else is stupid.

6. I am obsessed with Jenny on The League. If I ever get married (and let's face it, that's a long shot) I hope that's exactly the wife I am. In fact, if I ever even have a serious boyfriend again, I'm just going to sit him down to watch those DVD's and let him know that if that's not close to what he's looking for then "Darlin', we must re-define the nature of our association". And if he doesn't know what movie that line is from, I'm telling him to get the hell out of my apartment.

7. I have decided to leave all the fake cobwebs that I hung for the Halloween party in the basement. Indefinitely. They make me want to drink.

8. I bought green nail polish today. First jeggings, now green nail polish. I'm like Benjamin Button; getting younger every day.

9. Speaking of the basement, ever since Travis made me watch the movie The Strangers on Halloween, I can't fucking go down there. I need to get a bin with sweaters for winter and I swear, I can NOT make myself descend those stairs. Even if he's home, I'm nervous he's going to scare me to be funny and it's going to be another pants pissing story.

10. My 16 year old niece has a fairly alarming obsession with Lil Wayne. Not his music, but him. She had a countdown on her facebook for him leaving prison. I... I don't know what to do about that.