Lifening

A hand upon my foreheadA joke and then a laughWaking up in your armsA place to call my own
This is all I ever wanted from lifeThis is all I ever wanted from lifeThis is all I ever wanted from life
Ireland in the World CupEither North or SouthThe fan club on the jukeboxThe birds and yes the bees
This is all I ever wanted from lifeThis is all I ever wanted from lifeThis is all I ever wanted from life
Words of reassuranceBut only if they're trueJust some simple kindnessNo vengeance from the Gods
This is all I ever wanted from lifeThis is all I ever wanted from lifeThis is all I ever wanted from life
To share what I've been givenSome kids eventuallyAnd be for them what I've hadA father like my dad
This is all I ever wanted from lifeThis is all I ever wanted from lifeThis is all I ever wanted from life
To share what I've been given

It's The Little Things

I don't think anyone can understand how happy I am that:

1. JVDB is back on TV. And on a show I totes heart.

2. My yard, house and armpits (combo of Old Spice and slight BO) smell of summertime coming.

3. My roommate and I now regularly talk to each other like Muppets.

Except you, blog readers. You always get me.

Science And Progress Do Not Speak As Loud As My Heart

Come up to meet you, tell you I'm sorry
You don't know how lovely you are
I had to find you, tell you I need you
Tell you I set you apart

Tell me your secrets, and ask me your questions
Oh let's go back to the start
Running in circles, coming up tails
Heads on a science apart

Nobody said it was easy
It's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be this hard
Oh, take me back to the start.

Daaaaaamn, He Fine

When people don't get my James Van Der Beek (JVDB) obsession, I wonder, sometimes silently, sometimes loudly, what the fuck is wrong with them.

He's the perfect combination of boy and man! He looks great in a tux. He looks great in a t-shirt. He appears to have the ideal amount of chest hair. Not so much he's a gorilla, but not so little you wonder if it's plugs. He likes redheads, he makes cute babies. He has mischievously squinty eyes on top of artfully crafted face scruff, for God's sake!

I'm a fan of 3 things in a dude:

1. Blue Eyes

2. Proper Grammar (knowing the difference between 'your' and 'you're' will do)

3. And the ability to consistently make me laugh without annoying the shit out of me in the process.

If you have all of these things (and you are also handsome and old enough to legally buy me an alcoholic drink), I will go on at least one date with you.

JVDB not only possesses all of these qualities, but he was also Dawson and Mox. One guy pined after his childhood love for most of his life, but then bedded the sassy cougar, the other was stand-up enough to resist the whip cream bikini to keep his nerd girlfriend and then spit out "I don't want your life" to his coach (or dad, I can't remember) and I believed him! I believed he didn't want that life! And now, he has a new career out of making fun of his old, successful career.... the man is a genius!

As far as I'm concerned, if he doesn't wear all-white tennis shoes, beat her (where bruises show) or constantly ask for hand jobs when she's SO tired, his wife is the luckiest girl on planet Earth. That Bitch.

I mean... come on, man... he's dreamy as all hell...

Aaaand This Just Became A Dream Journal

I sold my LA apartment and cried. My mom, Grandparents and friend Tyler came to help me move. I assigned Tyler to carry the heavy 70's style TV complete with decorative wood casing, but then decided I didn't need it. He was useless (as always). As I cried to my old lady landlord that I loved living there and felt very safe, I asked her if she had any buildings in Chicago I should check out. She said yes, and Brooklyn, and for a split second I thought to myself "Brooklyn? Maybe I want to move there instead?".

Next thing I know, my bed is still intact and I'm making out with Justin Timberlake and its headed STRAIGHT for sexual intercourse. He's much less smooth and commanding as I thought he would be in the bedroom. He's sort of the TJ I remember from working on NSync videos, but with even less swag. And.... and incredibly weird shaped penis. I'm shocked, but I decide to just keep going because.. meh, it's JT. This isn't going anywhere, just enjoy his FutureLoveSexSounds and go on with life. When he asks for a condom, I secretly think "is it even going to work on that weird ass thing?" but again, I proceed. Just as it's about to happen, I hear this incredibly weird noise and JT looks up in shock at some weird midget outside my window that just looked in and moved on. Out loud I say "I'm really going to miss LA" and we go on about our business. I don't really remember the actual act or him leaving so we're probably still in a relationship in dreamland.

Next thing I know, I'm holding a baby, he loudly shits in my arms. I sigh and say "This kid just filled his pants". He now has a baby nurse and she's anxiously staring him down because she wants to take him and fix the stink problem, but I sort of gently yank him back and say "I've got it, I've changed thousands of diapers." almost rudely because I'm annoyed she's even there. I cart him away upstairs to get him fresh buns before he realizes he's chilling is his own excrement and tries to cry about it. Next thing I know, his mother is behind me saying she can't wait to see how weirded out I get by this as if I haven't been changing shitty diapers since 6th grade. (yeah, I had to take care of babies before I ever kissed a boy, foreshadowing anyone??) I ask her how that's even possible and she says "Because you've changed mostly girls, he has actual balls." I lie him down, look down at his still smiling face and say to her "If you can handle the adult kind, the baby kind should be a breeze" and I get down to business. Meanwhile, my non-boyfriend is busy telling me to hurry up because it's time to go drink and I tell him "JUST GO WITHOUT ME!" and I have no idea why I'm being so rude, but it doesn't help because all he does is leave the room and start calling my phone to say the same thing. I look down at the STILL smiling babyface and say "maybe he needs his shitty pants changed too. But more violently". The baby enjoys this and claps.

The baby nurse comes in and looks down and me while I all-too-loudly say "All done!" in her face. While standing the baby up to do some assisted walking.

And that's the kind of dreams you have when you eat McDonald's, frozen pizza and Hibachi all in one day, folks. I'm going to keep that pattern up!

Rando Commando

1. Whenever I watch Steel Magnolias, I get the urge to move to a small Southern town, adopt a drawl, marry the first nice guy available and start popping out fat babies while I stay perfectly slim.

2. So, basically, someone pitched "I want to do the movie Taken, but with a woman looking for her son and in a tv show instead of a movie and call it Missing" and someone said "Yeah!"

3. I'm VERY excited for Spring. Today was one of those warm, breezy, happy days where you think anything and everything is possible and you just know great things are coming blah blah blah. I haven't seen a robin or a woodchuck yet, but the sun warmed my smiley little face all day long and I can smell rain in the air so good enough. For now.

4. Books: I just finished reading Water For Elephants and I am SO said it's over. I can't find my copy of Hunger Games to re-read it before seeing the movie. Not amused by that. Have no idea who I loaned it to. I'm also a tad miffed that the movie The Lorax is now some sort of comedy.... that book is not a comedy.

5. If strawberries and bananas were so meant to be together, which they clearly are, why do they grow in different regions of the world? I want a strawberry patch and a banana tree in my back yard, dammit!

Leeniekins

When we were 6, I loved her long braid. Pretty sure she was the only one of all the girls I know that never got head lice from the scummies in elementary.

When we were 8, I was so jealous she won a pink cake with sprinkles at a school fundraiser. Which was great, because she had cut that braid off and was having a bad day.

When we were 10, I moved near her and we got to ride the same bus. She would come to my house and we'd build forts. We would sled for hours on end. We would explore all around the fields, jumping on round bales and once we snuggled down between them thinking that would be a pretty awesome fort spot until she jumped out and started rolling around on the ground. I was asking her what was wrong and as she was scrambling away on hands and knees yelling "MOUSE!" I saw the scared little thing climb out of her snow boot and run back into the safety of the bale.

When we were 11, we ran through the woods at 6th grade camp at night and she hurt her ankle. I remember being happy my Dad had showed up to stay the 2nd half of the week. But after camp, I got taken to a new house because my Mom and Dad had separated.

When we were 12, she held me while I sat crying when my Dad told me he he was marrying someone else.

When we were 13, she would sit with me laughing and gossiping about boys while I flushed my feeding tube out and mixed up my powder for that night's intake.

When we were 14, she was the first person I asked to be brought to the hospital after my surgery. She sat in my hospital room and told me all about what was going on at school.

When we were 15, she was my driver's ed partner. Even though I had to sit on a pillow to see and be able to reach the pedals at the same time, she wasn't that scared to ride with me.

When we were 16, I snuck out of a house for my first time with her. And she always went out last and back in first in case we got caught. She was a sneaking whiz.

When we were 17, she was the first call I made when I lost my virginity. 5 minutes after the act.

When we were 18, we got in a borderline fist fight on a football field. We certainly did have our share of disagreements over the years.

When we were 20, I was at her house when my Mom tracked me down to tell me my Grandma had died after surgery. And she held me again crying on her kitchen floor and rushed me to the bathroom to throw up.

When I was 21, she bought me my first birthday shot.

We are 35. She is still around. We haven't run through woods in a while, but she still buys me shots. And the last time I told her I was going to cry, we were in Whole Foods and she looked at me with such profound sadness and I knew if I had, she would have held me right there in front of the bakery counter.

She is tried and true. There is not one thing I can't share with her. She's right there to support me or tell me I'm crazy or tell me she thinks I'm wrong, but whatever her opinion, she has always delivered it with love and compassion. (accept the time she punched me in the head) Even when going through a hard time herself, she's there to cheer me on and help me out in any way she can.

She's always up for an adventure or she's always up to stay in and laugh til all hours of the night. But the most important thing is she's always there. She is tried and true, that's for damn sure.

And she's a birthday girl tomorrow. I love you, Leenie. You have made this a thoroughly enjoyable 35 years and I hope I've done the same for you.