Watching the Sia "Chandelier" video. CAN NOT STOP.
I feel like Maddie represents my deep inner brain. And the song is just perfection. I love everything about it. My extension and flexibility certainly are not on Maddie's level, but now I think of her every time I'm stretching and push it as far as possible. Between that video and So You Think You Can Dance, I basically never stop spinning and stretching. It's too hot for my normal stretchies so I can very often be found standing around in a sundress attempting those upright splits. I know I'm dancing in my sleep because I'll wake up with a foot cramp from pointing my toes. JD asked if I've been wearing pointe shoes in Pure Barre because I was standing on my toes and I had to inform him we don't do that. I think he thinks it's an actual ballet class. I now have a membership to a regular gym as well and it feels INSANE to work out in shoes. I roamed around until I found 2 pipes along the wall in the abs/stretching room, removed my shoes, put on my Barre socks and had my own little class right there.
I took a brief break today to watch the Coldplay "Sky Full of Stars" video because that song is also excellent for stretching aaaaand Chris Martin's smiley face makes my heart go pitter patter, but then "Chandelier" came on the radio and my head was right back in that little blonde wig, twirling and twirling.
Friday, June 20, 2014
Tuesday, June 17, 2014
World Cup.... A Time To Get Turned On.
Reasons World Cup Soccer is the tits:
1. You never feel as patriotic as when you're cheering your very young, inexperienced Team USA as they enter an essentially unbeatable 3 team group. Bonus points if you're me and you're wearing a t-shirt with kittens on an American Flag while doing this.
2. You also get to feel as though you've just won World War III when USA beats Ghana in their opening game. Bonus points as Ghana has been the USA's nemesis in the last 2 World Cups. Seriously, they're our Hitler. (just go with it.)
3. Man on Man foreign PDA like CRAAAAAAZY. Other nations are touchy feely like whoa and I'm all about that.
4. Lets face it: It's porn for women. These are the sexiest athletes on the planet, all rounded up, running for 90 solid minutes, sweating, beating their chests, sliding on their knees, hugging the shit out of each other, ripping their shirts off....just turn on World Cup and if you don't like who's playing, mute the TV, put on some Banks or Sam Smith in the background for sound and get your sex on. BEST SEX OF YOUR LIFE.
5. The fans are just fucking insane. Can't get motivated to do your laundry? Can't stop procrastinating about the dishes? Watch the dedication of some World Cup fans screaming their faces off and you'll inexplicably feel the need to clean your entire house. I don't know why, but that shit works.
6. Avoiding work in search of TVs and day drinking with patriotic purpose.
7. When you're partying your ass off in Detroit and you inevitably end up at Lafayette Coney in the middle of the night, there are always a ton of people from different countries in there and they're ALWAYS ready for World Cup chants. If you don't like playfully chanting USA!! USA!! USA!! against the similar yells of people of other nations, while bombed, in the middle of Detroit, while eating a Coney Dog and drinking a mini carton of milk, then why don't you get the fuck out of America, you know? Just get out. Canada is right there. Go. Go then.
8. Landon Donovan. Even though he's not on the team, he's everywhere else and the sight of his face makes my heart and ovaries smile.
1. You never feel as patriotic as when you're cheering your very young, inexperienced Team USA as they enter an essentially unbeatable 3 team group. Bonus points if you're me and you're wearing a t-shirt with kittens on an American Flag while doing this.
2. You also get to feel as though you've just won World War III when USA beats Ghana in their opening game. Bonus points as Ghana has been the USA's nemesis in the last 2 World Cups. Seriously, they're our Hitler. (just go with it.)
3. Man on Man foreign PDA like CRAAAAAAZY. Other nations are touchy feely like whoa and I'm all about that.
4. Lets face it: It's porn for women. These are the sexiest athletes on the planet, all rounded up, running for 90 solid minutes, sweating, beating their chests, sliding on their knees, hugging the shit out of each other, ripping their shirts off....just turn on World Cup and if you don't like who's playing, mute the TV, put on some Banks or Sam Smith in the background for sound and get your sex on. BEST SEX OF YOUR LIFE.
5. The fans are just fucking insane. Can't get motivated to do your laundry? Can't stop procrastinating about the dishes? Watch the dedication of some World Cup fans screaming their faces off and you'll inexplicably feel the need to clean your entire house. I don't know why, but that shit works.
6. Avoiding work in search of TVs and day drinking with patriotic purpose.
7. When you're partying your ass off in Detroit and you inevitably end up at Lafayette Coney in the middle of the night, there are always a ton of people from different countries in there and they're ALWAYS ready for World Cup chants. If you don't like playfully chanting USA!! USA!! USA!! against the similar yells of people of other nations, while bombed, in the middle of Detroit, while eating a Coney Dog and drinking a mini carton of milk, then why don't you get the fuck out of America, you know? Just get out. Canada is right there. Go. Go then.
8. Landon Donovan. Even though he's not on the team, he's everywhere else and the sight of his face makes my heart and ovaries smile.
Friday, June 6, 2014
My Dad.
My father had to have surgery on his kidney.
The messed up thing is, I didn't even know. My Dad would mention an upcoming surgery the same way he would mention an upcoming trip to the grocery store, so I had little warning. I didn't even know he was scheduled until my stepmother left me a message saying he made it through ok.
He had a mass removed from his kidney and a little something removed from his bladder as well. Both were sent away for testing and he has a follow up on the 13th or 20th. The doctor said "it doesn't seem to be something to worry about". Thanks, doc. That helps about 0%.
I spoke with my dad today and he was as cheery as ever, which he would be whether he was completely fine or in level 7 pain. He let me know he had already been outside to work on his lawn tractor and he was returning to work on Monday. He also said he was going to Kalamazoo today to pick up his paycheck. So old school.
I asked him why he didn't just finally get direct deposit so he doesn't have to make that trip and without missing a beat he responded "I like to cash it and roll around in it".
Legit. Roll on, Dad. Roll on.
The messed up thing is, I didn't even know. My Dad would mention an upcoming surgery the same way he would mention an upcoming trip to the grocery store, so I had little warning. I didn't even know he was scheduled until my stepmother left me a message saying he made it through ok.
He had a mass removed from his kidney and a little something removed from his bladder as well. Both were sent away for testing and he has a follow up on the 13th or 20th. The doctor said "it doesn't seem to be something to worry about". Thanks, doc. That helps about 0%.
I spoke with my dad today and he was as cheery as ever, which he would be whether he was completely fine or in level 7 pain. He let me know he had already been outside to work on his lawn tractor and he was returning to work on Monday. He also said he was going to Kalamazoo today to pick up his paycheck. So old school.
I asked him why he didn't just finally get direct deposit so he doesn't have to make that trip and without missing a beat he responded "I like to cash it and roll around in it".
Legit. Roll on, Dad. Roll on.
Monday, June 2, 2014
People.com Is On My Shit List
I almost got all the way through today without knowing a damn thing that happened on Game of Thrones last night.
Most websites are really great about spoilers and put nothing telling at all in the title of their posts and they definitely let you know if there are indeed spoilers ahead. But noooooo, People.com has to have a headline reading "An Obituary for the Game of Thrones Character That Died Sunday Night".
What the actual fuck, People. You couldn't wait until around 8pm to post something like that? Maybe give the good people who had to watch their beloved hockey teams battle it out in a vicious Game 7 a chance to get home from work and watch the episode???!
RUDE
Wednesday, May 28, 2014
#YesAllWomen
I am extremely intrigued by this whole #YesAllWomen movement.
I recently had a situation where I was becoming close with a man, but realized it had gotten to a point where I needed to decide if we were actually dating or just friends that had crossed a bit of a line. Several small red flags were popping up that indicated to me that this would not be a successful dating relationship, but nothing so flagrant as to say "I don't even want to be friends with this person". During our entire 'relationship' we had communicated our fears in dating as we now had many, many mutual friends and nobody wants that awkwardness of the "oh, it didn't work out" conversation if they don't have to have it. He assured me, to my face "the awkwardness isn't an issue, we'll stay friends no matter what". Stupid me, I believed him.
Teetering back and forth after a month and a half if I should in fact date this person or not, a very small, insignificant incident to him, but larger in my mind, let me know this in fact did not need to develop into a romantic relationship. At this point, we had never even so much as kissed, so I figured it would be an easier transition into only friendship than if we had become physical.
After a weekend trip with a large group of people that was quite awkward for both of us, I reached out to him on the Monday back to explain my feelings and let him know I thought we should just remain great friends, that I really appreciated that part of our relationship and just wanted to keep it that way, best for both of us.
At the time, he agreed, even acted like that was his choice as well. Again, stupid me, I believed him. Over the course of the next few days, he first gave me the silent treatment. Then attempted to have a phone confrontation with me over things I said that he views as "tasteless comments" about him. I texted him to let him know if he wanted to talk, I would, but I couldn't even figure out what he meant as I had handled the entire things with kid gloves to say the least.
He decided to take another route. He never did contact ME to discuss things, but he did decide to do some sort of smear campaign behind my back in order to persuade people to not hang out with me or invite me to places. And literally, the theme of the conversation when explained to me by a third party was that he stated "I wanted to date her, she doesn't want to date me, she's blacklisted". Ultimately, he just ended up making himself look bad to people, and I was fine and still invited to things and have these friends.
Now, I could roll off into a comedy-filled tirade here and decide to completely emasculate him in this paragraph. I could even decide to be incredibly flattered and mentally bathe in the idea that I have SO much female power that without so much as a single kiss, I can crush a man to the point where he feels the only way he can get over me is to eliminate me from his sight line for eternity. But mostly, I just feel outraged and sad for him. That nobody taught him this isn't appropriate behavior. That nobody informed him it isn't a woman's obligation to feel romantically toward him, even if he has done everything right. I'm truly hoping that at least one of his female friends pulled him aside and explained to him that it's actually ok for a woman to decide to just be friends with you and attempting to punish her for the way she feels is just wrong. #YesAllWomen should be able to 'friend zone' you without the fear of your attempt at retribution.
Then there was the time I requested an ex to leave my apartment after he asked me to rub his feet, attempted to change the channel on my tv, started rubbing my thigh with zero indication I wanted physical interaction and ultimately just grabbed at my crotch. When I asked him to leave, I was actually still nice. I should have been raging. While driving away, he texted me "That was a waste of my time. You were so rude and unwelcoming, you're unbelievable with your mood swings.". I told him I'm not obligated to rub his feet or have sex with him and I'm totally ok with whatever he'd like to call me in response to that. I also requested he never contact me again. That dude is about 2 shakes away from being an actual date rapist. He seemed to honestly believe the way he was behaving was acceptable and I was actually being rude by rebuffing his attempts to get physical.
Yesterday I was discussing these situations, both the tragedy at UCSB and my experiences with overreaction to being asked to be just friends, with a man. I was telling him about how uncomfortable I was about the things that happened to me so I can't imagine what other girls who have received larger reactions have felt. His response to me was "Well, a beautiful girl like you? If you reject a man, he's not going to take it well." Really? REALLY? If that was an attempt at flattery, it failed. Did you seriously just condone this behavior after I told you it made me feel uncomfortable?
When women behave badly after being rejected, we're labeled as "crazy" and "psycho". If a man does it, it's because he's "hurt" and "lonely" but most of all, justified. It's ok, because our job as women is to return a man's affection, stroke his ego, especially if he's "a good guy". It's only appropriate for us to reject a romantic relationship with a man if he does something really bad to us. Right? Is that what I'm being told to understand?
Fuck that noise. I don't consider myself much of a feminist and I make concessions for all types of shitty behavior, but if you try to punish me or make me feel guilty for not wanting to be romantically involved with you, you need to get your shit checked. You've got major entitlement issues. And #YesAllWomen should be able to expect grown ups to act like grown ups.
I recently had a situation where I was becoming close with a man, but realized it had gotten to a point where I needed to decide if we were actually dating or just friends that had crossed a bit of a line. Several small red flags were popping up that indicated to me that this would not be a successful dating relationship, but nothing so flagrant as to say "I don't even want to be friends with this person". During our entire 'relationship' we had communicated our fears in dating as we now had many, many mutual friends and nobody wants that awkwardness of the "oh, it didn't work out" conversation if they don't have to have it. He assured me, to my face "the awkwardness isn't an issue, we'll stay friends no matter what". Stupid me, I believed him.
Teetering back and forth after a month and a half if I should in fact date this person or not, a very small, insignificant incident to him, but larger in my mind, let me know this in fact did not need to develop into a romantic relationship. At this point, we had never even so much as kissed, so I figured it would be an easier transition into only friendship than if we had become physical.
After a weekend trip with a large group of people that was quite awkward for both of us, I reached out to him on the Monday back to explain my feelings and let him know I thought we should just remain great friends, that I really appreciated that part of our relationship and just wanted to keep it that way, best for both of us.
At the time, he agreed, even acted like that was his choice as well. Again, stupid me, I believed him. Over the course of the next few days, he first gave me the silent treatment. Then attempted to have a phone confrontation with me over things I said that he views as "tasteless comments" about him. I texted him to let him know if he wanted to talk, I would, but I couldn't even figure out what he meant as I had handled the entire things with kid gloves to say the least.
He decided to take another route. He never did contact ME to discuss things, but he did decide to do some sort of smear campaign behind my back in order to persuade people to not hang out with me or invite me to places. And literally, the theme of the conversation when explained to me by a third party was that he stated "I wanted to date her, she doesn't want to date me, she's blacklisted". Ultimately, he just ended up making himself look bad to people, and I was fine and still invited to things and have these friends.
Now, I could roll off into a comedy-filled tirade here and decide to completely emasculate him in this paragraph. I could even decide to be incredibly flattered and mentally bathe in the idea that I have SO much female power that without so much as a single kiss, I can crush a man to the point where he feels the only way he can get over me is to eliminate me from his sight line for eternity. But mostly, I just feel outraged and sad for him. That nobody taught him this isn't appropriate behavior. That nobody informed him it isn't a woman's obligation to feel romantically toward him, even if he has done everything right. I'm truly hoping that at least one of his female friends pulled him aside and explained to him that it's actually ok for a woman to decide to just be friends with you and attempting to punish her for the way she feels is just wrong. #YesAllWomen should be able to 'friend zone' you without the fear of your attempt at retribution.
Then there was the time I requested an ex to leave my apartment after he asked me to rub his feet, attempted to change the channel on my tv, started rubbing my thigh with zero indication I wanted physical interaction and ultimately just grabbed at my crotch. When I asked him to leave, I was actually still nice. I should have been raging. While driving away, he texted me "That was a waste of my time. You were so rude and unwelcoming, you're unbelievable with your mood swings.". I told him I'm not obligated to rub his feet or have sex with him and I'm totally ok with whatever he'd like to call me in response to that. I also requested he never contact me again. That dude is about 2 shakes away from being an actual date rapist. He seemed to honestly believe the way he was behaving was acceptable and I was actually being rude by rebuffing his attempts to get physical.
Yesterday I was discussing these situations, both the tragedy at UCSB and my experiences with overreaction to being asked to be just friends, with a man. I was telling him about how uncomfortable I was about the things that happened to me so I can't imagine what other girls who have received larger reactions have felt. His response to me was "Well, a beautiful girl like you? If you reject a man, he's not going to take it well." Really? REALLY? If that was an attempt at flattery, it failed. Did you seriously just condone this behavior after I told you it made me feel uncomfortable?
When women behave badly after being rejected, we're labeled as "crazy" and "psycho". If a man does it, it's because he's "hurt" and "lonely" but most of all, justified. It's ok, because our job as women is to return a man's affection, stroke his ego, especially if he's "a good guy". It's only appropriate for us to reject a romantic relationship with a man if he does something really bad to us. Right? Is that what I'm being told to understand?
Fuck that noise. I don't consider myself much of a feminist and I make concessions for all types of shitty behavior, but if you try to punish me or make me feel guilty for not wanting to be romantically involved with you, you need to get your shit checked. You've got major entitlement issues. And #YesAllWomen should be able to expect grown ups to act like grown ups.
Friday, May 23, 2014
Turtles.
Apparently it's national turtle week. Or day. Whatever. I have 3 relevant stories to share.
1. My first time in Hawaii; I'm there shooting the Sheryl Crow video "Soak Up The Sun". (you're welcome for the name drop). A few of us are in water about waste deep, chest deep for me, and holding on to surfboards with Sheryl and the extras astride them as to not let them float away. There are also several Hawaii native water safety experts there with us to handle sea life approaching. All of a sudden, I see this sort of rolling motion in the water and a VERY large dark spot and thought to myself "This is it. I'm scared of the unknown ocean and I'm going to be eaten by a shark in waste-deep water two days before my birthday because that is SO ME.". I try to look away and not let Sheryl see so she doesn't start crying, but one of our water safety guys starts getting incredibly stoked and basically halts production to point out that these are two sea turtles mating. By this point, they are literally rubbing against me in their process. I am paralyzed with fear and disgust as Sheryl joins in the delight of watching them and everyone around just seems very happy and I am getting woozier by the second. As I stand there being used as some sort of base for these turtles to grind against, the natives explain to us how great this whole thing is and it's very good luck if sea turtles approach you so intimately. I'm just saying it's good luck I didn't faint. No, I wish I had bucked up and reached down and touched them, but at the time, I really was just trying to remain upright and not let a rock goddess get killed by ocean monsters.
2. My mother is such an animal lover, she will risk getting her hand bitten off at the same time as getting hit by a car to rescue even the worst ones. I'm about 28-30 years old and she and I are returning from getting coffee or something. We are driving between 2 lakes in our home town and she sees what I believe to actually be either a swamp monster, dinosaur, or misplaced alligator. It's actually a giant snapping turtle with one million pounds of seaweed attached to his back, slowly forging the road from one body of water to another. My mother jumps out of her car help this beast who seriously looks to be about 90 billion years old. He can clearly take care of himself, but there my mother is, shooing him across the road as he angrily stares and snaps at her. She was so proud.
3. My friend Eric is also an animal lover and just all-around-good guy. One night, we're sitting in a park drinking some beers, waiting for his softball game to start and he sees cars slowing down on the very busy side street next to us. He's actually scared it's a child that has wandered out there because people are beginning to take notice. We rush over and it's actually a HUGE snapping turtle that looks like a mutant killing machine experiment gone wrong. Still, Eric eases out into tons of traffic to grab this nightmare. The turtle is FLIPPING OUT, thrashing and scratching and snapping as poor Eric is yelling "I'm trying to help you!". He succeeds and wanders back across the road with arms full of slashes.
I'm not positive these creatures should get a holiday.....
1. My first time in Hawaii; I'm there shooting the Sheryl Crow video "Soak Up The Sun". (you're welcome for the name drop). A few of us are in water about waste deep, chest deep for me, and holding on to surfboards with Sheryl and the extras astride them as to not let them float away. There are also several Hawaii native water safety experts there with us to handle sea life approaching. All of a sudden, I see this sort of rolling motion in the water and a VERY large dark spot and thought to myself "This is it. I'm scared of the unknown ocean and I'm going to be eaten by a shark in waste-deep water two days before my birthday because that is SO ME.". I try to look away and not let Sheryl see so she doesn't start crying, but one of our water safety guys starts getting incredibly stoked and basically halts production to point out that these are two sea turtles mating. By this point, they are literally rubbing against me in their process. I am paralyzed with fear and disgust as Sheryl joins in the delight of watching them and everyone around just seems very happy and I am getting woozier by the second. As I stand there being used as some sort of base for these turtles to grind against, the natives explain to us how great this whole thing is and it's very good luck if sea turtles approach you so intimately. I'm just saying it's good luck I didn't faint. No, I wish I had bucked up and reached down and touched them, but at the time, I really was just trying to remain upright and not let a rock goddess get killed by ocean monsters.
2. My mother is such an animal lover, she will risk getting her hand bitten off at the same time as getting hit by a car to rescue even the worst ones. I'm about 28-30 years old and she and I are returning from getting coffee or something. We are driving between 2 lakes in our home town and she sees what I believe to actually be either a swamp monster, dinosaur, or misplaced alligator. It's actually a giant snapping turtle with one million pounds of seaweed attached to his back, slowly forging the road from one body of water to another. My mother jumps out of her car help this beast who seriously looks to be about 90 billion years old. He can clearly take care of himself, but there my mother is, shooing him across the road as he angrily stares and snaps at her. She was so proud.
3. My friend Eric is also an animal lover and just all-around-good guy. One night, we're sitting in a park drinking some beers, waiting for his softball game to start and he sees cars slowing down on the very busy side street next to us. He's actually scared it's a child that has wandered out there because people are beginning to take notice. We rush over and it's actually a HUGE snapping turtle that looks like a mutant killing machine experiment gone wrong. Still, Eric eases out into tons of traffic to grab this nightmare. The turtle is FLIPPING OUT, thrashing and scratching and snapping as poor Eric is yelling "I'm trying to help you!". He succeeds and wanders back across the road with arms full of slashes.
I'm not positive these creatures should get a holiday.....
Wednesday, May 21, 2014
That Girl Is Gonna Lose Her Voice....
Last night.
I put in WORK yesterday mulching and hanging things and what not. I will be sore today and I figured I would sleep like a corpse. I finally fall asleep after the Kevin Costner Robin Hood. (because if you don't stay up to watch Robin tell Marion "I'd die for you", you're a chump)
First, am awaken by beeping. Incessant beeping. I realize the neighbors left an alarm on. Fuckers. Everyone in the neighborhood is sleeping with their windows open so no noise goes unnoticed.
Next....crazy sex so loud by another neighbor that I would have called 911 if I hadn't heard the words "good" and "more" in the mix from the female voice. And PS, kudos, you two. Get it.
Finally, a thunderstorm. After the annoying noise of the beep and the amusing noise of the fucking came the ultra soothing noise of rain and thunder and I snuggled right back in knowing my basil plants were getting a nice long drink.
In the middle of all this, I still had time to dream that I was related to Giulliana and Bill Rancic and I was staying with them in New York for a week. They had a rooster theme in their kitchen which solidified the idea that I should have one as well. (this is real. I've been wanting these French print rooster things from World Market for weeks and debating whether to buy anything as I normally hate themes of anything.)
I think the moral of the story here is that people in the neighborhood are getting their fuck on and I shouldn't eat 2 watermelon oreos directly before bed or my brain won't function normally.
I put in WORK yesterday mulching and hanging things and what not. I will be sore today and I figured I would sleep like a corpse. I finally fall asleep after the Kevin Costner Robin Hood. (because if you don't stay up to watch Robin tell Marion "I'd die for you", you're a chump)
First, am awaken by beeping. Incessant beeping. I realize the neighbors left an alarm on. Fuckers. Everyone in the neighborhood is sleeping with their windows open so no noise goes unnoticed.
Next....crazy sex so loud by another neighbor that I would have called 911 if I hadn't heard the words "good" and "more" in the mix from the female voice. And PS, kudos, you two. Get it.
Finally, a thunderstorm. After the annoying noise of the beep and the amusing noise of the fucking came the ultra soothing noise of rain and thunder and I snuggled right back in knowing my basil plants were getting a nice long drink.
In the middle of all this, I still had time to dream that I was related to Giulliana and Bill Rancic and I was staying with them in New York for a week. They had a rooster theme in their kitchen which solidified the idea that I should have one as well. (this is real. I've been wanting these French print rooster things from World Market for weeks and debating whether to buy anything as I normally hate themes of anything.)
I think the moral of the story here is that people in the neighborhood are getting their fuck on and I shouldn't eat 2 watermelon oreos directly before bed or my brain won't function normally.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)