FREE FUCKING BREAD
Above I have provided one of the best and most helpful posts Buzzfeed has ever displayed. (I also thought the one about tips on maintaining your herb garden was great, but I realize I'm an old lady gardener and most people are, in fact, not)
In my life, there is now a large population of fancy people. I love them dearly, I enjoy learning from them, but if you can't commiserate with me on "accidentally" eating the entire basket of Cheddar Bay Biscuits from Red Lobster, then where does our relationship go from here?
If I sit through a dinner at The Little Club with you where I have to remind myself that my voice must remain below a certain volume at all times, no matter how drunk I am, you can damn well sit through at least 2 baskets of CBBs with me while quietly complaining "you know, I'm not even sure this is real lobster". Last time I was drunk downtown, I ate at American Coney instead of Lafayette without uttering a single complaint, I've earned a trip to a steakhouse chain, damnit! I'm totally fine with being snobby about the food in front of you at that exact moment. "This Big Mac is sloppy as fuck, I hate too much sauce, this sushi smells a little bit sour, please add even more chili to my coney, will you toast the top of my crème brulee juuuuust a bit more?" etc, but not being willing to even try to slum just a little bit... I can not abide.
I'll fully enjoy every morsel of Guns & Butter, but you can then enjoy every inch of a Hot n Ready.
Anyway, the point of all of this is I want some fucking bread. And not gluten fucking free bullshit, I want bread that may or may not contain yoga mat material. Right now, our work kitchen counter is backed full of hot dog buns and it's taking everything I have not to just go in there and eat every single one plain.
Bread!
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