18 Weeks of Duckiness

My girl bestie is 18 weeks pregnant today with a baby we call Ducky. I can't really decide if it's Ducky or Duckie, but it's also Duckers, Duckface, Duck Duck Goose, etc so does it matter? No. I would like to get the Duck started out right and let he/she know a few things. This will be the first of many letters I write to this little angel.

Dear Duckling,

Hey, how about that ride in? (that is both a movie quote and a disgusting shout out to your father, let's get your sense of humor tuned right away) I have waited a long time to hear that you were in there baking and I can't even tell you how excited I am for the day I get to meet you. I will be the one with the freckles, smelling of booze and Angel perfume and laughing while crying. You'll get used to it.

You are one lucky kid. You have one of the coolest families I can think of. Everyone likes them, they're all good looking, they know how to party, it's ridiculous. Your cousin got the jump on you for first grandchild, but I wouldn't worry about that. There's enough love and over-the-top adoration to go around with these peeps. You and your cuz are SO cool with each other that you both attended your first Dave Matthews Band tailgate and concert together already. Though, one of you was almost fully baked and I'm not even sure you had fingers or toes yet. Speaking of baked, sorry about all the grass that got smoked around you that night. It's Dave, whatcha gonna do?


Let's discuss your father. He has a very full head of hair. The very first night I met him, I told your Mom not to go there, but now I'm pretty glad she went with her normal routine of not listening to me. I actually warned him too, but again, few people pay me much attention in the advice department. He has been wonderful. He's very smart and very witty and he makes your Mother damn near giddy. He is also quite thoughtful. He makes sure I am involved in big moments of your Mom's life even though I am 2500 miles away from her and he has never had to ask me what to get her for a birthday or Christmas. He listens and observes. He also once volunteered to drive to the valley from the Marina to pick me up on a street corner after a long night. (I'll tell you that story later.) I can tell you the exact moment I knew that he was in love with your Mom. They had a fight, she dumped him, and he called me to ask me what to do. Me?! To risk that kind of rant and ridicule... I knew the guy was for real. He gives me good advice, he makes fun of me to my face, and he wore race car suspenders when he married your Mom. Nuff said.

Now for your Mother. In my eyes, she is as close to flawless as it gets. My own Mom dislikes most people and feels the same, that's how awesome she is. She and I had a rocky start, a funny story that I will tell you about later, but I finally came to my senses and fell in love with her like most people do. She makes me a better person. She makes me celebrate my birthday when I don't want to, wear heels when I don't want to and wear less perfume and I always end up thanking her. One time, she was making fun of me over IM and she called me a "jenius". I almost pissed myself laughing. She and I enjoy long days of shopping and talking so loudly over each other that people in the store stare. She's really fun to watch college football with because not only does she know more about it than most men, she makes great snacks and doesn't shush you during the games. She drove an hour from her job to my crappy hospital deep in the Valley to sit at the end of my bed while I slept for days straight. She came to my apartment while I recovered and did my dishes and put flowers around the place. She came to my office, kidnapped me and made me sit at PF Changs bawling instead of making a huge mistake with a horrible boy. You need to listen to her. Always. She can be forceful and demanding, but she does it for the right reasons. She has a really weird, deep voice when she first wakes up, sorry about that. She loves regular Coke and pretty much anything deep fried and/or covered in cheese. She makes the best cut out cookies in the whole wide world. She claps really fast and her eyes get crazy, scary big when she's happy. She is even more beautiful inside than out, if you can believe that's possible. I could honestly go on and on, but I will leave you with this... just WAIT til I show you this old school picture of her in a lace Britney-style half shirt and gobs of eyeliner. Ha!

As for you... you are 5 inches long from your head to your cutie buns. I have seen a picture of you, and once you pass alien stage, I believe you'll be a real looker. You appear to be pretty content in there. You have given your Mom goiterish acne and made her gain 7 lbs in the last week, but she still likes you. When you move, she says it feels like tiny little lighting bolts and I think that's pretty great. I can't wait to see you in 3D and feel you move for the first time. I have already shed lots and lots of happy tears over you. Don't get smug about it.

College football starts today, so everyone in your family (besides your Dad) will be kind of distracted until the end of November. I'll still be here to talk though, your Mom has my cell. You're probably going to be eating a LOT of hot dogs, pizza and chips. Get nice and fat in there, please. I love fat babies.

Until next time, Duckers, know this.... you are already loved more than you can imagine.

Smoooooooch