VIBES

Yesterday, I posted the facebook status: "My heart says 'Cut your hair to your shoulders and you'll look JUST like Taylor Swift'. My head screams 'Cut your hair to your shoulders and you'll look JUST like your father wearing a wig of your newly-chopped hair!'"

That status got something like 30 likes. For my random thought. Every day I ask myself why I'm not taking a crack at writing professionally and every day my answer is "Oh look! A re-run of Real Housewives of Atlanta is on!". (I'm easily distracted)

Today I woke up feeling positively giddy and excited like all my dreams were about to come true. I have no idea if they will or not, but I walked into my office and someone had put an iced coffee on my desk, then someone paid for my Wendy's in the drive through in front of me, THEN I caught a mouse in a live trap successfully and let him go and he looked back at me as if we had an understanding of mutual respect and joy for life, THEN I got in to the 6pm Pure Barre class with Arika when I was last 5th on the wait list.

WHAT'S NEXT?! A million dollar check gonna fall out of the sky in my name?!

I Wish I Was A Little Bit Taller, I Wish I Was A Baller, I Wish I Was A Bitch With A Badass Side Eye

I truly wish I had a super strong resting bitchface/side eye combo, but normally I just resemble a puppy that you left alone all day and is really happy to see you.

*sigh*

I Forgot Two

6.  I couldn't decide what I wanted to eat on Sunday night while watching Scandal. When I finally decided on sushi, I called and ordered for both of us to be picked up by him because I'll be damned if I'M paying for sushi when I'd settle for a Hot n Ready. Anyhoo, I ordered crunchy shrimp roll and shrimp ebi and was told "That is such a white girl sushi order" by him after opening it and taking a piece for himself. Real nice. Also, complete nonsense. I didn't even order California Roll!

7. Speaking of Scandal, I took a quiz titled "Which Character on Scandal Should You Get Drunk With" and stumbled across a spoiler that made me so enraged I punched a pillow and screamed. I take this shit seriously.

Isn't It Weird To Think That "Timber" by Pitbull And Ke$ha Was Just Coming Out This Time Last Year???

A few of the most random things that have occurred lately.

1. I got chosen as the Ambassador to Pure Barre for the last month of this year. That wasn't exactly random as I got an email notifying me that I was chosen and to prepare articles and social media posts for each week, but the overwhelmingly positive response I have received after my first article was posted was VERY unexpected and lovely. Every time someone stops me in class to tell me they loved my story I almost burst into tears. Such a me thing to do.

2. Speaking of Pure Barre, I had a dream last night that someone, I'm not sure who but I know the subject was male, told me "your ass really isn't what it used to be" so you know I woke up this morning still angry and ready to WORK tonight in class. Watch out everyone, I'mma need my space during seat work.

3. Speaking of dreams, I also had a dream a few nights ago that Taylor Swift became friends with me, invited me to her Detroit show, then afterward, Tony Chin-Quee and I took her to the dirtiest, scariest diner/bar I have ever seen that actually had some sort of dirt-floored attachment on it's side (this may very well be Nancy Whiskey I'm thinking of because that's a scary ass bar that everyone seems to love) where we were hanging out and practicing stripper moves. You guys, I don't even know on this one. My subconscious is a strange place.

4. Speaking of Detroit events, I had totally forgotten the DAC Holiday party was this Saturday. All I knew was that I had selected dresses all through the year to have ready for party season in order to not worry at all. I was ready!! Oh, until I was informed it is "Great Gatsby" themed. Cool. Whatever. One of my outfits is a gorgeous little black jumpsuit with lace that can be styled and accessorized to be Gastby-ish. I figured I'd cruise into my local vintage shop just in case to see if there was anything slightly better. Oh yeah. Ohhhh yeah there was. I told the girls what I was looking for and out comes this incredible dove grey flapper dress with beautiful beading and fringe. I gasped. It's big on me so it drapes in the back, but whatever. It's a once-in-a-lifetime find and I'm going with it. Boom. That's probably the luckiest last minute dress find I've ever experienced.  

And PS, my closet is becoming a place that my daughter is going to looooooooove with all these dresses.

And PSS, there's apparently a champagne fountain at the party because the committee had an extra 3K they didn't know how to spend. I say great choice! Why donate it around the holidays?! *insert eye roll*

5. I can't stop eating pomegranates. Can't stop. Peeling them open slowly is like therapy and they taste like candy, but are full of antioxidants. Is there a more random fruit to love???

I'm Pretty Positive That The More Eyeliner Quinn Wears, The More Blood Lust She Gains

I watched so much fucking Scandal (Season 2 and beginning Season 3) this weekend that when I just opened CNN.com, my first thoughts were "Why are there no headlines regarding the President's affair? How is America not discussing the discovery of the mole? What about an article about David Rosen regaining his position as distinguished attorney?!"  Seriously.

I looked at a picture of President Obama and was like "Who is the handsome black guy?"

Oh, It's Going To Be Handled. And By "It" I Mean Sweatpants And Popcorn. And Ice Cream.

Tonight I have a huge plan to stay in a cloud of blankets and pillows and watch however many episodes of Scandal it takes for my brain to totally go off the rails and believe I could be the next Olivia Pope. Considering I'm only in the middle of season 2, I have many potential hours of self-transformation ahead of me.  Last week I bought the most incredible grey wool coat that looks like it belongs at the White House, so I'm like... 40% of the way there already. One bottle of red wine, a giant bowl of popcorn and some silky PJ bottoms and I think that pretty much does it!

I know this is one of the most typical white girl Friday nights in existence, but A) I had my very first EVER battle with stomach bug/food poisoning that overtook my soul on Tuesday night. B) All JD could talk about during said bout of illness was how badly his back hurt, needed rubbed, and I should "just drink Vernor's!" and C) I watched 12 Years A Slave last night and I still haven't fully recovered from any of these things, so give me a fucking break, ok, man? I'm not a gladiator just yet.

Please Do Not Take Your Emotional Impotence Out On Me, Asshole.

I was all sorts of happy when I left for lunch today and I remembered I had downloaded 2 of my favorite love songs of all time last night. It's cold ass actual fuck outside and the sky continues to spit snow on and off, but it was sunny at this time and I was singing and I was actually doing something worthwhile at the time (getting an oil change) so, sort of a perfect storm of productivity.

On my wait back to the office I decided I would walk in here all triumphantly with my new clean fucking oil and wiper fluid and post the best damn blog ever about one of the songs I was listening to, but THEN I asked someone a simple question and they gave me a shitty answer, like they're a teenage girl (not though, grown man) asserting her false bad bitch status in the 10th grade, and my hormones took over and now I'm writing this blog to tell you that instead.

Oh, the delicate balance of estrogen vs. testosterone. May it swirl and whirl until we all just murder each other.